A page from an imaginary organization, as a commentary on modern idiocy.
In a modern civilization, prickly interactions between employees are inherently unprofitable. Both visitors and staff here are expected to conduct themselves with a modicum of warmth and humor. Within the standard construct of civility, we begin each encounter with the assumption the other person means you no harm.
At the same time, we are painfully aware of unwanted attention, and certainly recognize there are limits to what is acceptable in showing affection. We contend there are plenty of ways to discourage those whom you deem to have crossed the line without resorting to the complaint process. Give them a chance to understand and correct their mistakes. If you find a co-worker or visitor persists in ignoring your polite warnings, we will certainly entertain your complaint.
However, we take the position you must make your case. We do not adhere to the notion your every personal discomfort is worthy of administrative notice. Before you enter the complaint process, you should have already discussed the matter with trusted peers to ascertain a sanity check on the matter. Management does not accept the notion of a one-sided adjustment process.
Given the history of our experience with this, we find it necessary to explain certain cultural assumptions. In a civil society, humor serves as a social lubricant. Sarcasm, back-handed compliments, and innocent flirtation are all a part of that. Literate societies make room for human interaction as a form of art, not simply mechanical communication. If you prefer to keep things mechanical, the burden for establishing proper notice to others falls upon you. You are further expected to do so with a minimum of fuss, with a certain expectation the results will be uneven. You must accept a certain lack of control over some things in this world.
By no means are you expected to maintain a false egalitarian reaction to everyone. However, the choice to interact with one person or another is established by policy, not your personal preferences.
Management takes the position popular notions regarding this issue are, for the most part, silly. Having observed court rulings in the matter, in consultation with legal counsel, we take the position we would prefer to close down business rather than yield to frivolous trouble makers on either side of such problems.
This entire issue is subject to frequent review, and this section is subject to revision as warranted. As always, no one can force you to read any part of this manual, yet it always applies, regardless of your personal awareness. However, we will make reasonable efforts to notify all of significant changes.
If I ever start a company with employees and have to write an employee handbook, it’s very likely I will come back here and work a deal with you to let me use this… to the extent my legal counsel will agree. I might have to go through a few lawyers before I find one that will get on board.
No deal required. It’s just a suggestion. Something like this is more important than who writes it, so copy verbatim without attribute if you like.