Dating and Courtship: Doing It All Wrong

Western Civilization is in collapse. In a very short time, as such things are measured, it will be gone, forgotten.

So don’t waste time mourning. We should have never been here in the first place. The best of what we gained could have been gotten some other way. Meanwhile, we have this huge mass of idiocy bullying us around in our daily lives. That includes the business of human mating and building a family. Everything important in Western Civilization regarding that business is pretty much garbage.

First, we have the major problem: Men are fallen, and males want all the wrong things. We are up against a massively destructive force which is hardly unique to Western Civilization, but the latter simply makes it worse than ever. When you accept the reality this thing isn’t going to go away, it’s easier to negotiate your best chances for peace and happiness. No amount of cultural conditioning will change the fundamental nature of humans.

But cultural conditioning has surely aggravated an already serious problem. Women demand what God has said they should not want, and cannot have. They rightly want a man who is faithful, devoted to them first among all other humans. Because men tend to fail this, women want controls not available, demanding a fantasy world utterly self-serving. Our modern messy culture flatly denies we are stuck with this situation, and demands God get out of the way while it fixes things He created, but didn’t break. Instead, modern culture is broken, but refuses to see that. So it’s no surprise the result is far worse than it has to be.

You can’t control fallen men, but you can offer an incentive for self-control. Ancient Near Eastern culture did that. It’s the best you can possibly do. Making little goddesses of every woman is not the fix. Men rule poorly enough, but women are inherently worse — God’s facts, not mine. So we start with the first assumption: Don’t give men very much control. That doesn’t mean give it all to women, but simply don’t give anyone much control. If people insist on destroying their own nest, you cannot stop them. You can only forcefully deny them the opportunity to ruin yours, too. In marriage, that is compromised, because otherwise it’s not marriage. You have to entertain the notion things won’t work out, and such is the averages you play with in living in a fallen world.

Notice the utterly schizophrenic nature of modern Western culture here. We seek fantasies in human sexuality. In our desperation, we convince ourselves this or that person is that fantasy. Once we have them, we find they aren’t so fantastic. So we readily exchange this one for the next. We are quick to marry on the worst terms, quick to divorce on still worse terms, and never try to figure out what we are doing in the first place.

Rather than wade through a complete remake of Western Civilization, let’s just work on side-stepping the worst of it in a search for personal sanity. Sex and marriage are not a drug, but the fantasies regarding them can be. Ditch the fantasies and see it all for what it is: The one greatest possible bright spot in an otherwise miserable existence. Remind yourself orgasm lasts only a few seconds, then reality comes back. Putting that orgasm in a proper framework can enhance life; serving it as your god will be Hell. You can ignore it only if you continue the drug-induced euphoria (with or without mind-bending substances), but it will make you miserable in the end. Enjoy it, but put it in proper context, which means rejecting the underlying messages regarding sex in our culture: TV, movies, magazines, books, etc. The entire crop is pure nonsense.

Your best hope is finding a partner, in the fullest sense of the meaning that term implies. It requires having some wisdom about your own nature and personality. Lacking that, borrow some from those who know you best. Take their advice what sort of mate you need, unless you have spent considerable time looking in the mirror of your own soul, and know a good deal about the reality of how humans live together over the long haul. Don’t fool with this thing, dating around and sampling the fare. That’s the first trap. Take it seriously from the start: You need a partner who will be the one last person on this earth to abandon you, so you need to be that sort of person, commit yourself to that image before you even begin.

Dispense with all that silly social maneuvering. Don’t date. If he/she is worthy, court them right off the bat. Again, having folks who know you and love you help in match-making is one of your best bets. If your family is nutty, cultivate really good people as your friends, people who can be trusted to see you rather clearly, and tell you honestly where you are weak. Expect some failures in courting (your own as well as theirs), because that’s the real world. You are in control only to the degree your “target” yields it. That’s a big kettle of fish of its own, but that should be obvious at this point. You’ll have to cultivate a sense of what is too much too soon, and what is dangerously close to none at all. Marriage is surrender, but getting there should be fairly orderly. That’s not to say you can’t hit it off right away. Take enough time to make sure, but at some point you just have to jump. If your support system is strong enough, you really don’t need that much courtship, but that sort of situation seldom exists in America. Arranged marriages are very difficult here, because it represents most of what our culture rejects about God.

Don’t be surprised if your best hope is someone from a totally different background. In many cases, you’ll find people from more Eastern cultures are pretty good at this stuff. Frankly, the vast majority of Western gals are completely messed up, having bought the feminist lie to varying degrees. By the same token, most American guys are too much metrosexual (neutered and useless) or too retrosexual (juvenile fake manhood). You can find idiots of any gender from all parts of the world, but if you are serious about making this work, it’s worth taking the time to investigate and peel back the fake fronts to see what’s inside. Again, this is where match-making can serve well, because your social support group will prevent you diving into pretty waters which hide crocodiles. People need to be exposed, seen at their worst, so we can estimate whether it’s something we can tolerate. Marriage is less finding perfection and more about finding the least insane pairing available.

One last point: Never assume your best match is close to your own age. There are a million complications, but in an ideal world, the man will be a decade or more older than his wife. Given what have today, let’s moderate that, but five years is hardly too much. It’s worth whole books to explain why women tend to be ready for marriage much earlier than men, but the fact remains as a general note on human nature.

Know this one thing: God has promised there is in this filthy disgusting world one best chance for sanity in marriage. He will surely work with you to make that one thing tolerable, even good, if you willfully pursue it with His provisions in mind. He has promised if you do your best going into this, regardless of how much your prospective mate lacks in shallow external appeal to your visual and hormonal tastes, it can eventually build into a romance which exceeds even the crap sold by Hollywood.