I agree with Vox in his disdain for typical marriage talk in churches. Were I to say anything on the list of statements he quotes from yet another blog, my wife would know it was hyperbole.
You have to understand I am very eclectic and lyrical, often using drama, including broad satire, and all sorts of other thespian devices to express myself. You may not see such displays at first, but as soon as I think I can get away with it, and there appears some reason for it, however frivolous, I’ll act crazy.
Thus, you should understand some things about my marriage.
I am the last person to quibble over semantics, but within the context of this discussion, let’s make clear Vox rightly distinguishes between “just deserts” and “worthiness.” If I got the former, I would suffer a short and miserable life, a long and painful death, followed by eternity in Hell. Worthiness is an attribute of God alone. Where the Lord can be found, there is worthiness. If you find Him in me, then worthiness will be found in me.
This confusion of terminology ends up becoming an excuse for a very twisted, perverted middle class American evangelical culture. It’s a parody, something which vaguely approaches the ideals of Western Civilization at times, but seldom bears any resemblance, even in caricature, of the New Testament model drawn from a frankly Ancient Near Eastern (ANE) intellectual framework.
Real men in the Bible do not take themselves seriously, but their duties are the essence of life, the excuse for which God has not yet taken their lives. My duty to my wife is to remain utterly committed to Christ. If she does not see in that devotion something worthy of her devotion, I hope she has the good sense to put some distance between us.
Jokingly, I’ll tell her I’m awesome, and seconds later grovel dramatically at her feet. Neither is the reality of what I am, or what I do. Yet both bear an element of truth. No, I don’t deserve someone so wonderful as my wife, but if there is no worthiness in me, she had better get packing. And that works both ways. Were she not committed to the same things as I, there would not have been a first date.
The one most important thing about marriage is the planning. Not in the details, but in the spiritual ground upon which it stands. Were the people involved both spiritually dead, marriage remains in theory the one place where God can demonstrate His love for us even if we don’t accept that love. Lost folks can know something of Jesus through marriage. That they seldom get that something of Jesus is proof they need Him, but that’s another matter. God’s gift still stands with no strings attached; it’s only what you make of it on the purely human level.
For believers, it is utterly essential you pay attention to it before the time comes. The New Testament makes utterly clear this is a one-shot deal in this life. You are permitted only one partner once your spirit comes to life, and any previous partner will have a claim on you regardless of their spiritual condition. If you’ve had more than one, you’ve made a mess of things which can’t be undone, but you can salvage something if you truly trust the Lord to make it work for His glory. That’s the only reason anything regarding marriage can work — His glory. Chances are, if it’s too messed up, you should prepare to do without. Harsh, but that is the biblical standard.
