“Chuck, tell me that wasn’t you I saw at the Boarhead last night! And with the hottest middle-aged babe in three counties.”
“Well, I was there, Merle, and the lady did seem to create a sensation with the males in the crowd.”
“I thought you were a celibate, Chuck, with all that mysticism mumbo-jumbo” Merle snickered. “You been holding out on me?”
“I’m still single because I’m very demanding. I’m not looking for someone to replace my dearly departed, just a worthy successor. As it was, this lady asked me out, and paid the tab.”
Merle threw both arms overhead, palms facing. “Touchdown! A hot babe sugar-mama!”
Chuck turned to drag the lunch box from his satchel. “I’ll answer your questions when you tone down the enthusiasm a bit.”
“Okay, okay. Look, man, I just want to know what was going on. You act like it didn’t turn out so good.”
“Nothing is a waste of time if you pay attention and learn from it. But it isn’t going the way she expected it.”
“She some kind of dominatrix or something? I can’t imagine anything else that would be a turn off.” Merle took a big bite of his sandwich.
Chuck twisted the lid off his thermal soup bowl. “No, she’s a very nice lady.”
“So how did you meet her? At that church thing you do?”
Swallowing a spoonful of soup, Chuck gave a wry smile. “Sort of. You know I volunteer to watch the indoor play area at the church to satisfy the insurance liability rules so they can let kids play there on Saturdays. Most of them are member kids and it’s kinda fun. A few weeks ago one family brought some neighbors with them.”
Merle smirked, “Oh, so she has kids. That’s always a good way to get to a woman. I know you sure have a way with children. They scare me.”
“I keep telling you, Merle, kids are not hard to deal with. You were one once.”
“That’s what scares me.”
Chuck rolled his eyes. “Look, the main thing is to take them seriously. Especially when they aren’t your kids, you don’t try to guide or push your own view of things on them. Just listen to them and help them explore their own thoughts and feelings. They get enough crap with people telling them what to do and what to think. Give them room to express what matters to them. If you know the answer to something they ask, give an honest answer. Tell them what you think, and that it’s only your own thoughts. Once they realize they can trust you, they’ll pour out their hearts.”
“That only sounds easy.”
“Well, Merle, if it ever matters to you, you’ll figure it out. At any rate, they quickly let me know they were hungry for adult male attention and were all over me. After couple of weeks like that, their mom showed up to watch them play. It changed their behavior, which is how I knew it was their mom. But they eventually came and talked to me, just without the expressive cuddling behavior. That’s when she approached me.” He took a couple bites of soup.
“She hit on your right away?”
“No. She just introduced herself. She’s too mature for lounge lizard behavior. But she was rather frank. She’s a widow, not a divorcee. In her own words, she was ‘a trophy bride’ for some ring-knocker who was killed in Afghanistan. Because he had been on the promotion fast-track, she never used her accounting degree except to keep the household budget. It was all Army wife politics and such. When he came home in a box, she was consoled briefly, then asked to move on quickly. She was told in guarded terms the other women worried she would poach someone else’s man, since she was so nearly the perfect wife.”
“Ah, a West Pointer, a politician in uniform. So her world came to an end.”
“Something like that. At any rate, she decided her masters in accounting might help her get into a different world. Wound up working in the bowels of the Fed branch downtown. She says it’s actually worse than military politics.”
Merle spoke around another bit of food, “So she’s pretty smart and you get along with the kids. What’s not to like? She expect too much of you? I know she couldn’t take her eyes off you at the restaurant. There might as well have been no other guys there.”
“Yes and no. It was rather unnerving, actually. People do that when they want something you shouldn’t give them. She made it easy for me to understand her, because she’s sane and fully conscious of her own mind — quite rare in women.”
Merle thumped his fist gently on the table. “So spill it man. What does she want that you can’t give?”
“She wants a father for those kids. She’ll have no trouble doing and giving herself completely to any man suited for the task. I don’t think it would matter if I was unemployed, even. And it’s quite commendable she is so focused on them; that’s the way a woman is supposed to be wired. But there’s nothing else there. It will be the best of all worlds while those kids are still maturing, even as far as getting through college if they want to go. She knows she can’t make them take any particular direction, and simply wants them up and able to live with their own choices. She plans on being the smart mom even after they become adults. But that’s it.”
“What do you mean, ‘That’s it’?”
“Merle, kids are not the end of life. They are an extension of who you are, but they aren’t the center of things. She has no interest in anything else. That’s all marriage is to her. It’s not about friendship and partnership with her. It’s all about duty. She would never be able to understand what matters most to me. My devotion to higher things, trying to live on that other plane — she has zero interest in that. It’s just ‘my thing,’ a hobby she’ll tolerate gracefully.”
Merle looked thoroughly puzzled.
Chuck was finished eating. Putting away his stuff, he said, “It’s like she wouldn’t be marrying me at all. She only wants the external shell, the matrix of behavior. She doesn’t want me.”
