The most important thing you can ever do is learn the very tight limits of theory in human behavior, and learn observation instead.
It’s a tough call. You get an awful big boatload of material on human behavior claiming a basis in observation, but it’s always observation with a particular pair of lenses. Most theories are okay within the narrow confines of what they cover, but not a one can even approach universality in scope. The more you know about the people behind the theory, the less likely you are to be chasing nonsense. You need to understand their bias worked for them, and will probably have only limited application for you.
As a Christian Mystic, the whole point for me is to understand why the world is so crazy, so I know what kind of craziness to expect. I know my bias; it works for me. A valid bias is the one you discover, not one you construct. Just as our lives overlap, so our discovered realities will tend to do the same. There are no universals in the sense of what you and I might agree upon, and thus work together. That there are no universals is a strong slap in the face of ambition and arrogance, which is what we all need from time to time when we are driven to act. Only those driven to act will have any reason for persuading others, and our persuasion has to be wholly voluntary to be of any use. I am driven to act, driven to reach out and lift up others who suffer, driven to help guide them as far out of sorrow as they will come.
I’ve been relentless in pushing the necessity of escape from this plane of existence into another; that’s the whole point of mysticism. The farther you can withdraw from this plane, the easier it is to understand it. Withdrawal allows you some measure of objectivity not at all possible while wallowing in it. It is neither possible nor desirable to pretend I can fully withdraw. Being of two natures simultaneously, the sense of being torn between two realms is simply the way it is, and is the background against which all things are understood. We can always be aware of things within us over which we have no power, nor should we necessarily want that power. There are no shortcuts, and assuming we can simply remake ourselves and our world is utter folly. We don’t remake; we escape. We do so bit by bit, and never completely so long as any part of us lies anchored here. So let’s understand here.
A major element in this study is the very different way men and women handle things. Human biology is hard-wired. It touches every part of how people interact. Never mind what some grand theory says ought to be; we need to understand what is. Toward this end, I highly recommend Alpha Game. The first three posts you encounter (at the time I write this) will put you miles ahead of the vast sea of humanity.
You could easily turn this into a pursuit of prurient interests. It will work. Want to be an alpha male who can score? You can do that. But the same accurate portrayal of human nature also serves to understand what’s wrong with all of that. It’s not enough to condemn immoral actions if you want to help adult minds. You to understand why we want all those harmful things, things which kill us and those around us, trapping us more deeply in this broken and destroyed existence. You need to understand what are the deep and aching needs, and why they cannot be filled by what seems the obvious path. You also need to understand what constitutes valid fulfillment, both in kind and degree. You need to know how to answer the questions: How good can it be? What must I fight; what will keep me from that?
For each of us, we are our own worst enemy. Know your enemy.
Interesting post Ed. I am something of a mystic myself and I prefer to think that rather than escaping this plane of existence that I am venturing toward its essence. I see the outward expression of our matrial existence as a coarse veil that conceals the more vital existence, which in itself is only another facade which hides an even deeper essence and so on ad infinitum. There is no escape only a deeper comprehension of what some may call Truth or Light. Perhaps the comprehension is of the energy that is the basis of all manifest things.
Alpha Game makes the point that the most basic human drive is for self preservation, as the Roman Emperor Caligula put it- the one quality that can be counted on in everyone is their own self interest- the drive to endure. This colours everything in inter-personal relationships and is only to be expected and not to be derided or looked down upon in any way. Expecting people to put others first is unreasonable, laudable but not to be expected as the first line of advance. I have found that acceptance of people and their ambitions is more workable than trying to convince them to change their ways- especially if they think that their survival will be threatened in any way.
I’ll agree you have to take people where they are, and take them seriously. They won’t listen to you if you don’t listen to them first. The obligation rests upon the strongest.