Hello? George! Long time, no see, dude. What’s up?
I need a job, man. My company went belly up.
You need to get in the school business, man. It’s keeping me fat-n-sassy, and it’s recession-proof.
I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout education.
Nobody does. We’re all faking it. That school administration degree I got was simply taking the path of least difficulty, but it pays pretty good if you’re patient.
I’m too old to go back to school.
So, start your own school. Look for some specialty that’s under-regulated… take the school food service program. Create a course for certification as food handlers, but make it for schools only. Make it about the Junior High level; nobody’s gonna know the difference. Add a couple of buzzwords in your course description. Heck, just cut a couple of videos and you can forget hiring any staff. And we can make it mandatory.
How would you do that?
Dude, this is Oklahoma. A bribe here and there in the right hands can work miracles. Otherwise, it’s just marketing, and you know how to do that. Make it sound like this is the real future for child nutrition, make those kids all brilliant and energetic, or whatever. Won’t matter what angle you push, just make sure the slogans are different from the ones they used in the last five years or so. I know who to talk to at the State Board of Ed.
State’s gonna pay for it?
Nah. This is recession, remember? It’s why you’re looking for a job. No, we’ll just sock it to the kitchen bitches. Something a little shy of a hundred bucks a head should do it.
Ain’t you worried they’ll unionize over that crap?
Oh, sure, and then they’ll pay several hundred instead. The union folks work with us, you know.
Last I heard you don’t pay ’em that much in the first place.
Like they got any better options in a recession? That’s what little people are for. You squeeze ’em because they got nowhere else to go.
