The Gift of Truth for Christmas

Most of my regular readers probably understand this already, but what I offer is a written formulation which may help fill your Santa’s bag of truth so you can share with others.

First, I have to reveal something of myself for this to make sense. Sometime in my late 40s, some of my nerve wiring broke — my libido pretty much died. Here where I live in a mobile home park, I am surrounded by feminine beauty. On one side there are two teenage cuties, and they flaunt it. On the other side is a hot single mom, another across the street, and a fairly attractive 20-something next to that. They all flaunt it to some degree. When they flaunt it, I simply turn away. My wife has nothing to worry about. While I easily recognize their feminine glory, and realize many men would die for a chance to live in this situation, that portion of my wiring is no longer connected to the part which directs the hormones.

My wife remains the center of my attention, not because she can compete in that sense, but because the only thing which turns me on is her many years of unfailing devotion to my mission. She does by instinct what most women have to study quite awhile to understand Game. She’s one of the few women I’ve ever met whose words can be taken at face value most of the time. There is no insane subtext to deal with. It doesn’t get any better for someone like me.

Compared to the soap operas my wife describes from her Facebook friends (I never go there), this is heaven on earth. But I haven’t forgotten what it’s like to walk around trying to hide that erection resulting from some exhibitionist or manipulative flirt. I can recall vividly the thrilling misery of having to live with out of control testosterone thrumming the wires of my consciousness.

I never forget how I got here. While I surely qualify as a Gamma by nature, I managed to wade through a fairly high measure of romantic experience by the time I entered college, in part because I started so very young. I never passed through that normal developmental period when boys don’t like girls. I’ve always preferred female company over males. But a critical element in my introversion was some measure of realism, and in college I finally understood and could explain it: Genuine romantic love worth having can be built from a sane choice of partner. I knew full well that first rush of excitement was a huge lie, and was usually more wrong than right. I knew full well love would grow from commitment, that most people got it backwards. I married on that basis, because I knew beyond all doubt this woman was the best choice.

At the same time, I’ll be the first to tell you there were surely others who could have filled the bill. It would have taken quite some time to find another like her, but there are any number of fine gradations and reasonable choices. Marriage is not about love, but about partnership and building a future. Love which results from clear thinking is not the same as blinding passion which takes random choices. A lesser romance would have been acceptable and manageable. I was blessed with a rare opportunity, but the same God is capable of carrying me through just about anything He wants for me. Nothing in Scripture teaches there is only one woman or man for you; there are wise choices in each context. The critical element is rejecting those who don’t meet the minimum standard.

For those who are struggling to find some romantic solace in this mad world, here is a bare outline of truth most people are likely to reject while their hormones are surging, and loneliness weighs heavy upon their souls:

1. Learn Game. Know the reality of human wiring; reject the entire fairy castle in the sky which is Western Civilization’s fantasies about how human sexuality works. All TV and movies are lies, as are most books on the subject.

2. Hormones lie. Don’t let them vote. When you make a wise choice, they’ll fall in line and do their job. They’ll grouse the whole way, and continue demanding things which cannot do you any good, but they’ll do their job. (This is why rationalization is possible.)

3. Utopia means “no such place exists.” There is no such thing as “The One.” There are a whole range of probabilities which might work well enough, and just a few who are a near perfect match. There’s a whole bunch who will deceive you, then turn into complete nightmares. Get past the initial cathexis and let reality come back before you make any decisions. Better yet, stay away from anyone who creates cathexis, because a partner really worth having isn’t likely to do that to you.

4. Don’t sell yourself cheaply. That’s another way of saying you need some self respect and healthy self love. You can’t do that unless you know who you are and what you really must do with your life. Never compromise your mission.
Merry Christmas.