Marriage: Why Bother?

Continuing on the subject of a biblical approach to building a marriage…
Why? What is it about marriage that makes it more desirable than something looser and more fun? That depends on your definition of “fun.”
The Bible assumes, but does not directly address, a lot of things which leave us puzzled in our modern Western society. It’s the primary reason I have a beef with so many churches and almost the whole of organized Western Christianity. It’s not enough to be adept at deductive reasoning, by which we reconstruct something assumed in the world view of Hebrew writers, but we must have some information about the worldview itself.
I’m convinced the Laws of God work for people who have no spiritual awareness, but do seek a moral awareness. I’m convinced the Bible assumes that. I’m convinced mankind is endowed with the gift of wondering about things beyond the mere mechanics, more than the five senses and satisfying physical appetites. We can never exactly understand why one man heeds that call to wonder and dozens do not, but we know even those who don’t can speak of such things with intelligence. It’s something about influences, choices, and a whole raft of other things. Yet I know beyond all doubt men can do what’s right if it matters, because they most certainly can know what’s right on some level.
Further, I am utterly certain God knows what’s in a man’s soul regarding such things. His revelation, both to all mankind in the Book, and in discrete impressions on the hearts of thousands, offers a measure of elasticity in demands which seem tailored to the individual. Thus, Scripture proclaims, in so many words: It’s not out of reach, and it always works. Granted, it would require a bit of study and reflection to realize it’s not always what you might expect, but it works as offered.
I am convinced such offering includes the whole range of things humans need as humans. If you want to rise above this level of existence, that’s the doorway. If all you want is the best this world has to offer, it’s in there. We have plenty of carping about how it seems to squash all the fun out of things, but that’s a mistaken notion about what “fun” should be.
When it comes to human sexual appetites, there is a path to full satisfaction which does no harm. If you evaluate from the level of your desires and your tastes, you may well never notice the harm. The Laws of God presume a different view, on a different level. They assume a moral fabric, so intricately woven into the universe, the Apostle Paul characterized Creation has a living thing wishing for redemption from human sin. It’s a parable, not meant to be taken literally, but such is the nature of revelation. Paul warned in another place human sexual intercourse is the one and only human activity which leaves an indelible mark on your own moral fabric.
In this, Paul verifies there is some biblical support for something which sounds like karma. It’s rather narrowly defined in terms of biblical justice, in terms of God’s Laws. Yes, things can be healed if you poke holes in the moral fabric of the universe as a whole; it’s called “repentance.” The Law Covenants make much of a broad opportunity to recover, if some part of you clings to the intent work out a path to justice. So long as you embrace the basic understanding of things, you can always clean up your mess. However, sex is the one and only thing which can poke holes in your personal moral fabric, and those can’t be so easily healed. In the strongest language, Paul warns every sexual encounter is treated by God as a valid marriage commitment on this plane of existence.
Yes, you can remove the eternal penalties for all sins, if you care, but that’s not the same thing. Paul’s warning applies on this plane of existence. Profligate sex does not of itself send you to eternal damnation, but it will most certainly register in your “karma” for as long as you live on this plane. All Creation will know, and will not forget, whether your hands were clean when you touched that other person. You can be quite just in every other way, but if you mess this up, it’s going to cost you from now until you die.
This understanding manifests in really beautiful marriages. There are some people in this world who manage to open themselves to a certain level of perception about human sexual relations, and they are able to find in someone else a matching perception. They are attuned to this thing and somehow recognize it when they find it. They are thereby far less attuned to what most everyone else seeks when they encounter members of the opposite sex. Sex rank recedes to a rather minor consideration, or perhaps we could say the scale measures something completely different from what’s typical.
I’m one of those people, and nothing in my 30+ years of marriage indicates to me my spouse sees it differently. She entered my perception simply as the unremarkable daughter of a friend. As time and exposure increased my awareness of her, at some point she let me know she was interested. I invited her into my world to show me what she had to offer. In the prime of her sexual marketability at age 18, she would have placed low on most men’s scales. I wasn’t using that scale. I was looking for something else, and I found it. Within some six months we were married.
Yes, there were rough spots, but I can’t recall any time when either of us considered parting ways on any level. Indeed, my military adventures were felt as a grand interruption of our life together. To this day, we have no trouble being in each other’s company 24/7. We are delighted when circumstances permit it. Need I state the obvious, that my sexual appetites are fully filled in her?
No, this did not shut off the hard-wired whining of my hormones for a taste of exotic female flesh. Hormones don’t get a vote; they have another role. My fallen nature is routinely denied on lots of things. Honestly, it’s been relatively easy to behave myself sexually. Not because I’m such a saint, but because Creation itself, of which my flesh is a part, is pleased to support just living. It places justice well within my reach.
The Fall separated us from God. God created us to be in communion with Him, to be utterly broken without it. Yet, even while we remain apart from Him, something inside us cries out for relief from that eternal sense of isolation. The closest we’ll ever come within this realm to breaking that isolation is what’s possible in human sexual intercourse. It’s as much relief as we can possibly get, but if we treat it as mere recreation, it won’t be much relief. Nor will it linger. It’s that sense of permanence which changes everything.
Nothing on this plane of existence can come so close to make life worth living as a good marriage.