Game Frame and Casual Social Encounters

I stood in front of the bookshelf at the thrift store, letting my gaze wander over the random titles. A fellow next to me crossed in front of me, offering the typical, “excuse me.”
My response was, “You’re okay.” Then I followed up with a very clichéd, “I can see right through you, man.” He laughed heartily and walked on down the aisle.
It was his choice. I engaged him with my standard personality response, clowning. It was my mission to make a kind of love offering, telling him he was significant, a human in my eyes worthy of at least that much effort. There was no desperate need in my approach, but no dismissal, either.
Being needy is a social disaster. It destroys everything in this world you could hope to build or achieve. I don’t need your approval; I am my own man. I have my mission from God and I will assume you have yours. Prove me wrong, but I will avoid proving anything at all, if I can.
Needy people would seize upon me in such encounters and unload everything in their minds, which tends to an awful lot. I take that risk. Most will simply take what I offered, as the man mentioned above did, and move on with one more smile than they had before. A rare few would be intrigued enough to actually respond with some limited offer of fellowship. Thus, I engage my world and offer what little I have, and grow from whatever response I get.
It’s possible you feel compelled to avoid human contact. That’s a hard row to hoe, but for some, it’s the best they can do. Then do it right, and carry an air of strength, not hiding in weakness. Do it right, and even being aloof and superior can make the world a brighter place.
The worst thing you can do is surrender in any way. Examples from a man’s point of view adaptations for women:
1a. Some hot babe wearing entirely too little shows it off, and you can’t take your eyes from her. You’ve already lost. If you must, take one good look, just a second or two, then deliberately look away and avoid becoming absorbed. If you stare, she dominates you, and may try to take advantage of you. Of course, if you enjoy being that kind of loser, no one can help you. (Note: If she really wants you, your aloofness will only make her more eager. Otherwise, whatever else it is she wants, you won’t enjoy it in the long run. In my case, women who put on this sort of display are already disqualified for my attention.)
1b. Ladies, if he’s hot and flirts, he’s a predator. If he’s hotter than you by any measure, the best you can hope for is abuse. Don’t smile at all; turn away and ignore him.
2a. Someone bears a strong visual affinity (dresses like you, etc.) and you quickly become engaged in insider chatter. In the process, do not engage in soul-baring. Yes, there is a time and place to share your sorrows, but this isn’t it. Listen; it’s the best gift you can give. Be reticent while friendly, letting them be the weak and needy one. You can’t stop needing, but you can stop displaying it and surrendering. Stop talking about yourself because it’s not about you.
2b. Women who chatter too much in girl talk are grasping at any strength in numbers advantage. The woman who can avoid being sucked into this is always more desirable to men, and very competitive against other women. While the other gals may take this as a personal insult, they’ll still wish they were like you.
3a. Some not-so-hot gal attempts to engage you in conversation. If she starts asking questions aimed at pinning you down in one political/social category or another, be evasive. Do this even if you happen to agree. Learn how to answer without content, or ask questions in reply. Start with, “Why would you want to know that?” Force her to reveal her biases and demands. Be civil, but don’t allow her to maneuver you into any pre-defined pockets. Come up with answers totally off-the-wall. It’s not a matter of winning her affections — you may well do so — but to practice dominance even when it doesn’t matter. That’s because, in the long run, it always matters.
3b. When a guy pulls this stunt with a woman, it’s more likely he’ll try to find out where she is and chase her there. Ladies, if you offer no definitive answers, he can’t pretend to be on your side. Losers think being your friend is the best way to get closer romantically. Don’t even smile, unless you intend to bite. Of course, if you are a barracuda, these guys are begging to be misled, manipulated and abused.
Fundamentally, it’s really not about dominance, but freedom. Don’t be ruled by others when you can avoid it. The problem is, human nature being what it is, the vast majority of the human race insists on operating in comparative terms. Thus, by insisting on freedom, you take dominance in their eyes. Given almost all humanity wants things measured in such terms, give them what they demand on that point — dominate where you can’t disengage.
In the vast majority of casual encounters, no real content can be exchanged directly. You first have to establish the right to speak. It won’t matter what your message is; you still have to get an ear. You still have to speak the language, which invariably includes measures of dominance. You cannot possibly avoid the underlying sexual dynamics; humans are hard-wired to operate with such a consideration, even if unconsciously. Best to be conscious of it and stop pretending it has no effect.
Men admire and cooperate with dominant men. Precious few will feel threatened; let them make a fool of themselves. When they become violent and hostile, they actually lose some measure of dominance, displaying insecurity. Few love what they fear. Need I explain you can take a beating and still win dominance? Women are actually more likely to be hostile, but less overtly, when one of their own displays feminine dominance. Still, the admiration is there in the form of envy, because women are not men. There are inevitable differences between the sexes on how this works out. With men it’s a question of “what” and with women it’s “whom.” A dominant male is focused on his mission and doesn’t really need anyone, but knows when he’s found someone worth holding. A dominant woman knows whom (what kind of man) she needs and how to get his attention.
Most of life is playing off those factors even when they aren’t directly pertinent.