Review the fundamentals: We have a huge layer of mixed cultural mythology, running against a hidden undercurrent of predation taking advantage of the buried facts. Then, off in another realm entirely is the actual truth of hard-wired human nature. The major challenge with raising children, if you start young enough, is helping them understand society is run mostly on lies.
But for parents who come too late to this truth, and their boys are somewhere near 12 or older, we have to come up with methods of holding the tension between false social expectations and what their wiring tells them. The good part regarding boys is you can more easily tell them straight out their social environment is manure. They probably know it, at least on some level, already. Hearing it from you, their parents, will come as quite a relief, and they are likely to listen.
Basic fact: American cultural mythology hates real men. It lies about what a real man is, and does it’s best to shape boys into something they cannot be, should not try to be. Even if he rebels, he’s still a sucker for yet another lie. You can probably talk straight to them about struggling against a world of lies, helping them understand the only real victory is not being sucked under.
At school, everything they face is run by the false feminist mythology. It’s meant to drive them insane, and generally works. Teach your boys Game (Game Theory of Human Socio-sexual Response). It’s all over the Net. If you’ve not encountered it before, use the built-in search engine on this blog for a long list of posts related to the term “game”. Some two-thirds of what’s listed will actually discuss the topic of Game Theory. At a minimum, you need to understand the basics of Post-Victorian Feminism.
From the first day of school, the system will try to make him a sissy, a metrosexual. The system will tell him all his natural instincts are evil or criminal. They’ll try to drug him if he acts like a normal boy. The earlier you work with him to handle this wholesale rejection of manhood, the stronger he’ll be in negotiating his own way through the system. You cannot do that for him, only equip him.
Understand the social mythology peculiar to your son and his peers. Know what they think is cool. Chances are he will not understand his single greatest need is apprenticeship to a worthy man. It might be his father, but that’s hardly necessary, and these days rather unlikely. At around age 12-14 his wiring demands daily close contact with someone he needs to emulate. It needs to capture his imagination. But if you simply let him choose according to the whims of his peers and such, there’s a high risk it will be someone unworthy. Every man should want to apprentice one or more young fellows, but most cannot. The number one issue with his behavior is the general impossibility of meeting his real need. He’ll up with a mix of distant models who can’t demonstrate for him the details of living with a badly messed up world.
So Dad or a good stand-in needs to work closely with him on some level. Pay attention to him and stay involved. If you can’t share your hobbies with him, share his. If you can’t get him under some man’s wing, he’s probably doomed.
If he starts to manifest any real manhood, the girls will be all over him. If he handles it well enough, let it go. A few guys are just naturals. Most are not. They’ll be sucked under every way imaginable, to include varying efforts and degrees of seduction. Unless you are willing to pay the price for sexually segregated education, this becomes the second hardest thing you’ll face. He’ll be distracted from what really matters. Girls his age are likely to outfox and dominate him, and sensibly younger girls are simply too young. You probably can’t force the issue. Social structures militate against the right answer.
I don’t recommend military academies. Western military social structure is simply all wrong, and if you like my writing at all you won’t like the results of sending your son to any of them. Almost anything else you can do to keep him away from girls, in the sense of keeping him too busy, etc., is worth a try if he goes along with it.
He needs a job. Since that may be pretty difficult, construct something which requires the same commitment from him as a job. Not in terms of modern workaday scheduling (another social lie) but something deeper. It needs to be consistent with his interests and aptitude, and it needs to keep him engaged. It needs to call up from his inner being all the things that makes a man manly. Some really good hobbies are out there, and some can be mixed to good results. Most school sports are actually dangerous in terms of psychology, but it’s hard to avoid it with some boys. In the long run, he really needs to steer his own course. Raise him with the expectation he should decide for himself as much as he thinks he can handle. You don’t have to like his choices; he does.
If he’s already hooked up with a gang, you need a miracle, not advice.
The one best antidote for all social lies is making him self-sufficient. Teach him not to rely on what society provides, because it will surely fail him, and perhaps sooner than anyone expects. He needs to resolve to do what real men do, facing hardship with equanimity, and making the most of bad situations. If he doesn’t understand the world is essentially hostile on many levels, he’ll be a victim looking for a predator. Naturally, you’ll color this with the emphases of your prevailing locale.
Manhood is hard enough without leaving it to chance.
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Civilization has been under steady attack for a long time now, by people who don’t understand it, hate it for what they think it is, and are willing to bring it all down rather than adapt to the realities of nature. As the world sinks into a new Dark Age (self-evident simply by picking up a newspaper, if you can still find one), the models of human behavior established over millenia are being ripped up in favor of broken social engineering. We’ve achieved equality…both sexes are equality miserable and lost in the modern wilderness..
Hey good post. I would add to it, though: sometimes part of the “war on boys” is not acknowledging that affection between men is OK. In a healthy society, boys shouldn’t be made fun of if they hug each other or cry. And if your son ends up being gay (there’s a 2-5% chance), you should be supportive of him. Men commit suicide at such a high rate in our society, so we should comfort boys and men when they feel sad, and don’t discourage them from showing their feelings.
I’m not sure what you mean by being supportive if a son decides he’s gay. That it’s a sin is simply not up for debate; I refuse to argue with God’s revelation. But I’m not under the Law of Moses, either, so there is no need to stone him. I think too much depends on how this theoretical son handles it. His feelings and attractions are one thing — mine include plenty of evil, too — but how he conducts himself in this world is another matter entirely.
Ed, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess you’re also NOT supportive of gential mutilation of baby boys? Or is that one of the old “Laws of Moses” you and your family chose to hold on to? Cherrypicking bits of the Bible you agree with reveals the absurdity of looking to a bronze age document for moral guidance, especially when there is an established scientific basis for the existence of homosexuality in humans and other animals.
Jay, I realize you probably don’t have time to read all my stuff on that. I take the position the Laws of Moses are a specific implementation of the Laws of Noah. The ritual of circumcision is not mandatory in the literal sense, but a symbol of something much more important. It also served a real health need for the context of historical Israel. Each family must decide for themselves whether they want to observe any such ritual, but the New Testament makes it out to be unimportant.
I take the Bible as the Word of God, and I could care less what the rest of the world thinks about it. At the same time, please don’t confuse me with Fundamentalist American Christians; it wastes both our time. Any resemblance between my positions and theirs are accidental and superficial.
“But I’m not under the Law of Moses, either, so there is no need to stone him.”
Well that’s good to hear.
“how he conducts himself in this world is another matter entirely.”
Would you treat him any differently if he has a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend?
John, I have no need to defend my position on this. Your argument is with God and His revelation. But to answer your question, I would be obliged to treat a sinful relationship as a problem. Because I’m a Christian Mystic who rejects all denominations, and not rule-bound as most Evangelical Christians seem to be, my response would be more nuanced than you suppose. One who gives into their sinful compulsions cannot be treated the same as one who strives to live a holy life.
Thanks for writing what I have been battling with my son for years. I had to take him out of his elementary school because all authority figures were females. The final straw was when I stated ‘He’s a boy! You can’t expect him to want to sit all day!” The ‘teacher’ looked at me as if I was insane. She had no experience with men or boys. No brother, no son, no understanding. The ‘principal’ agreed. We voted with our feet and left. Ironically, I found a better situation in public school, after these two Catholic school man-haters proved themselves unworthy of their positions. My daughters had great experiences at the same school, but on an unannounced visit, I found my boy sitting alone facing the wall as punishment for not submitting to arbitrary female authority.
His crime? He couldn’t sit still for hours.
We need to identify and educate parents about the anti-male bias of elementary schools,
Identification of the problem is a huge step toward offsetting this imbalance.
The first question any parent needs to ask of any female elementary school ‘teacher’ is: Do you have a son or brother? The believers in ‘nurture over nature’ have limited (no?) male experience in their personal lives. I was astounded to hear them tell me that boys and girls are ‘the same’. They actually believe that.
Happy ending. He is almost through College now and as socially balanced as one can be in this ill society,
Thanks Rich
Thanks, Rich. I’m glad to hear you took the sane path, and glad you were able to manage things through the public school system. I’ve taught in both private and public education and found both so deeply infected with the feminist mythology it was simply not worth my time. Homeschool is not always possible, but caring parents can and should work against lies whatever they do.
Ed, how did you come to your belief in Christianity? Was it through careful consideration of the measurable and verifiable facts of reality? Or was it through your feelings?
“Each family must decide for themselves…” these words sounds measured and rational, but what about the person who owns the penis? Does his opinion not matter?
Jay, if you reject the notion there is a God who communes directly with people through a process which is not confined to human intellect, there really is nothing to discuss. I’ve said all too often I reject Aristotelian epistemology on matters of morality. I embrace the much older Hebrew epistemology, which Aristotle himself pointedly rejected. Figure out what that means so you can stop wasting your time.
So you’re ostensibly OK with ripping off a perfectly healthy and functional part of a baby boy’s sexual organ, and you think that a 2000 year old Middle Eastern tribe perfected ethics. But you’re not OK with two men who love each other. I’m not so sure your views will get a large hearing in the public discourse… people today are much more willing to be critical of religious and political views, especially now that they have access to information via the Internet.
Jay, God is outside our time-space continuum, so the notion He might change His mind on our level is utterly ludicrous. And mankind have not changed since the Fall, considerably well before that 2000 year old Middle Eastern tribe. That He chose to reveal Himself through that tribe is not subject to your permission. Finally, you still haven’t addressed the vast difference between your materialistic epistemology and that under which God revealed Himself, and under which I operate.
For anyone else who stumbles across this conversation, God alone is in charge of whether they accept any part of my words, yours, or reject us both. I don’t have to please anyone but the risen Savior who lives in my spirit. I am entirely at peace with Him in what I’ve written so far; nothing else matters. I’m praying He’ll enlighten you, too.
“That He chose to reveal Himself through that tribe is not subject to your permission.”
This is a nice example of begging the question. You are supporting your conclusion (there is a god) by assuming that your premise (he revealed himself) is a fact, when there is no evidence to support it. And please don’t say the Bible is proof. It was just written by a bunch of guys. If you insist that it is the word of god, you are simply begging the question once again.
You miss the point, Tom. There is no answer which will satisfy your logic because your logic was not designed to handle the question. No man can prove God exists to the satisfaction of another. You can’t disprove it, either. We have vast quantities of literature running back and forth on what men can believe and prove with human logic, all of it missing the point because God’s existence is rooted outside our realm, and outside of the limits of human intellect. The question is one of the Spirit Realm, and communion of spirits. To those whom He has revealed Himself, His existence is not a question. The only question is how to obey Him. To those who remain spiritually dead, the question is merely academic, at best. I make no effort to prove God exists, only to point out yours and Jay’s attacks are meaningless.
I see where I’ve said that several different times in several different ways in this comment thread. Did your education address questions of epistemology? There is more than one brand, and I know yours quite well, but you seem utterly ignorant of mine. I post your comments uncensored because I care and respect even those hostile to my convictions. I’ll pray for you too, Tom.
I get what Mr. Hurst is trying to say. Take it or leave it on his terms. Either is fine with him. He accepts that the proof doesn’t preceed the result but has given full faith and credit to his master that the result will be the best way to raise a boy to a man.
Arguing with him is a futility and should be recognized the moment he states the underlying assumption of the authority for which he draws his energy to write this.
I have five very young grandsons. Time and energy are going to be my major constraints so I have to act quickly and forcefully if I am going to have an impact. I will rely on the word of God that to raise a child in the way he should go and he will return to it as an adult. That assumes some wandering, I presume.
It amuses me greatly to no end when secular, liberal atheists declare with an air of pronounced pomposity that the existence of God is not proven. I have yet to such parties present any cogent evidence DISproving His existence in our lives.
As an aside, I am a trained scientist. When I think about the amazing complexity of His magnificent creation, it simply is ineffable the feeling I get about His existence. Just too much to comprehend really, even a simple thing like the sheer enormity of the universe compared to our own extremely diminuative stature, we are nothing more than bacteria, if that on His scale.
You can’t convince the “true believer”. Ed obviously has the intelligence and ability, same as any inquisitive 14 year old, to locate on the internet the vast number of excellently presented arguments as to why religion is simply nonsense. There is not a single intelligent and rational person who could, honestly and with an open mind, examine the arguments and come out a theist. Only Ed can convince Ed, and he has to open his eyes for that to happen.
The good news is that with quality information so freely and conveniently available though the internet, more and more of each successive generation are going to be exposed the arguments that will inevitably free them from the religious delusions of their parents. The virus of christianity, the information that has propagated itself for so long in the minds of so many, is destined to dwindle and wane into irrelevancy.
Epistemology, John. It’s all about epistemology. Until you deal with that, you are one more screaming idiot who refuses to see outside his tiny little Aristotelian world. Your “truth” is just a tiny fragment of reality, and this whole universe is just a small bubble, a temporary thing slated for replacement. Meanwhile, those facts you rant about would point out Christianity is growing and healthy, and will far outlast the narrow little Western Civilization you consider the ultimate reality. Christian faith grows because it is an act of God, not anything rising from human power. Redemptive grace is a miracle of God alone, and He’s not asking your permission. I’m praying for you, John, because I don’t smirk at the idea of you roasting for eternity in Hell.
John, I sit firmly in Ed’s camp, though maybe not directly under his tent. Its too soon for me to tell. Those internet resources do a fine job of sowing doubt through (surprisingly) the Socratic method. Yet they fall short in one important aspect. They are unable to prove anything at all of their own assumptions. Asking a question that has no metaphysical answer is proof of nothing. Its only asking a tough question. Atheist contend the question is the proof, in a manner of reasoning.
God says as plain as it can be put that the proof of his existance is found in creation. How physical can you get? The problem with atheist is that they refuse to deduce anything that might be derived from the proofs in creation. They will deduce anything else but on this subject. For that reason a Christian is wasting his time talking to an atheist about it. The scope, detail, orderliness, largeness, smallness, complexity, simplicity, synchronosity of creation are completely inexplicable but by a logical deduction (that is as far as we are ever going to get in order to make some allowance for the workings of faith).
Chances are you’ll never get there without a miracle. Unlikely since the miracle surrounds you and you refuse to acknowledge it.
My g’boys will not be allowed to deny what their heart tells them and evidence unwaveringly points to what is true. When the world assaults them for it they will have me and their father at their side. I guarantee the world will think twice about it.
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