Failure at Failing

I’m a failure at failing.
God is not interested in your successes. He’s not much worried about your failures, either. There is no success or failure in the Kingdom of Heaven. There is only faithfulness.
I’ve been hitting it hard on the workouts. Not in the sense of pushing until it’s no fun. When I take long rides or hikes, I have time to stop and pet dogs or examine a flowering bush, and other things like that. If I can’t enjoy it, there’s no point. But I have been trying to add a second workout most evenings.
This morning I woke up feeling rather limp. I finished breakfast before 6:00, and was just trying to stay motivated. Twice I stopped and lay on the bed for a few minutes. Not that I was sleepy, but just feeling tired. Still, I knew I was going to hit my upper body workout, one way or the other. So on the ride out to the playground, I gave myself permission to fail. I reminded myself it needed to be more fun than work, and it was okay if I didn’t do so many repetitions of everything. Just go and do something.
The ride itself was mildly invigorating. So I stood relaxed a moment to catch my breath, then plunged in without any concern for performance. And I made gains on almost every exercise. Yeah, it was nice, but it wasn’t important. God said so, and that it was why He gave me some gains to celebrate. I didn’t need rest; I needed inspiration, a reminder it’s okay to fail because it’s more about faithfulness than anything else.
When I was stationed in Europe with Army, I had a friend who bicycled competitively. Not elite, but up there on the bottom edge of the elite, and way beyond anyone else I knew. He would ride 200km for a Sunday outing. But he never had fun with it, because he always obsessed about keeping up with the leaders of his competition class. When I described a Saturday ride in the country and how pleasant it was, he noted with sadness he couldn’t simply go out and ride for fun like that. I said, “That’s okay; I can’t compete.”
When I remember there is no goal, only faithfulness and obedience, it’s easier to refill the cup of joy.