The title is a reference to my Christian Mysticism HOWTO (now part of a book).
Most Westerners really fail to get the concept of a mystic’s disentanglement. Within Western mythology we are restricted to the false dichotomy that we either engage emotions with great depth, or we turn them off entirely. Very rare is the person who can disagree with another and not feel ugly emotions. Very rare is the third party who can resist accusing one person or the other of some moral failure for the mere existence of hard feelings. Most of this arises from the distinctly European mythology of the tribal peoples. It is the shepherd culture of the ANE which informs my explanation.
I hold forth a great deal of warmth to anyone willing to stand in it. That’s the uniquely Hebrew approach. Virtually everything is a matter of recognizing authority and responsibility, of justly assigned roles and domains. It is not impersonal, but is of necessity conditional in the sense I can’t exercise that love for you wherever and whenever you embrace something God has said I need to avoid. There are no absolutes, nothing to which you can refer and hold me accountable unless I recognize your authority. We can both stand in the Presence of God and see quite different necessities; that’s no reflection on God, but on the essential limitations of our humanity. I can still hold forth that same warmth and good wishes for your welfare, but you won’t be able to participate fully.
The same applies in the reverse. I can assume God will hold you accountable and look for signs of warmth in whatever it is we can possibly share. Meanwhile, I don’t need your approval to serve Him and you don’t need mine. We both need His approval. God does not hold me accountable for how you feel about what I do in seeking His peace. Your feelings are your problem; my feelings are my problem. It is a sin before God for me to let your feelings steer my actions. Your feelings of offense have no bearing on whether I have sinned.
It’s unique to the Western mind to insist on linear thinking. That is, linear thinking assumes absolutes are somehow possible in this Fallen Realm, that there can be only one right answer to at least some questions. By this fantasy people get the notion they can hold others accountable for emotions. You are supposed to feel this or that in relation to certain things because there just has to be an absolute standard applicable to all humanity. That sort of thinking is foreign to Scripture, in the sense the “good guys” don’t think that way.
I can only offer what God puts in my hands. The shepherd’s call is a clarity of mission, which necessarily recognizes limitations. God holds all the cards; He decides what I am supposed to do according to whatever role He assigns me. You have no say, except in whether and how much you might participate. You should understand if you walk into my domain — if you place your presence inside the mission and calling God has put on my life — you’ll be subject to whatever God requires of me in faithful execution of that calling. My reaction will depend on whether I see your presence as a help or hindrance, and how much so. Same goes for you. Any conflicts are a reflection of our imperfections. God reserves the right to make things turn out the way He wants despite us.
The most foolish thing people do is hold forth a certain expectation of other humans, particularly in sense of emotions. People fail — you’ll fail yourself — and emotions are the most unreliable area. Stop seeing someone else’s emotional reactions as necessarily good or bad; God gives no standard for absolute pronouncements of that sort. Your only concern is whether the emotions and accompanying behavior hinder or promote your mission.
Feelings do serve an important purpose, one which is too complex to examine here. They are not evil, just highly unreliable. They should never be allowed to lead, nor even vote, in your conduct in pursuit of your mission. Acknowledge them but don’t ever trust their testimony on anything. Nor can you presume to reason through everything. You are obliged as a Christian to learn how the Spirit of God speaks in your spirit, and make your mind obey. By that faculty you are able to recognize there are some things you ought to tolerate, but perhaps not today, not yet. If you can’t keep your emotions in check, then avoid situations that call out to them and tempt them to get out of control. You remain human with very real limits.
You decide what kind, amount and types of disentanglement are necessary for you to be faithful to your mission, because the mission is seeking peace with God, not some human standard of accomplishment.
