James, the brother of Jesus who eventually became the chief elder of the churches in Jerusalem, once noted wryly that some people look in a mirror and see their faces, but never check the mirror of their souls (James 1:19-27). They get the words of Scripture but never absorb the meaning, so they never quite understand why they do stupid stuff.
Behavioral science is not a waste of time when you recognize that it is as much art as science. It can help you recognize tendencies, but it cannot predict with any measure of certainty except for a tiny slice of humanity. Knowing how I tend to react, placing things in a sensible matrix of human response means I am forearmed against sin.
After years of training, I carry a pretty thick armor, but underneath I remain quite sensitive to my own feelings as well as the feelings of others. The purpose of the armor is to slow down instinctive and ill-considered reactions that don’t bring God glory. It doesn’t keep me from getting hurt, but helps prevent me hurting others needlessly. For the most part, my own hurt is the business of no one but God.
I’ve noted in the past that your sense of humor is your own, a defining character trait that requires you pay attention and act accordingly. Don’t bother apologizing for what you find funny; choose your associations to fit your sense of humor. By no means should you ever make the awful mistake of assuming your sense of humor is, or ought to be, some kind of universal standard. Neither ignore the differences you will surely see, nor take offense at them. Simply note what they say about the person, particularly whether they are suitable company. Only a broken, perverted soul hangs out with people who can’t avoid hurting them.
When you hear the term “harmless prank” it usually means something which isn’t harmless. The phrase is typically used as an excuse for entertaining yourself at someone else’s expense. An example of truly harmless would be the following real event.
Two nerdy twelve-year-old boys show up early for the youth function at their church. They wander into the designated room and the place is packed with folding chairs in disarray. Having nothing better to do, they start folding up excess chairs and stacking them in the storage room off in one corner. Upon hearing the voice of their adult leader in animated conversation with one of the staff, suddenly one of the pair has an inspiration. He says to the other, “Quick; let’s hide all the chairs!”
They proceed as agreed, making very little noise. By the time the adult physically arrives, she pokes her head in the door to see the two standing in a large empty room looking bored. “Oh, my,” she says. “We have no chairs.” Then, resting one hand on the door frame she steps back out into the hall and continues her animated conversation, lightly leaning on the wood trim but not actually in the room.
The boys grin at each other and quickly open the storage room door. Managing to hurry quietly, they whip out enough chairs to suit the purpose, arranged in a neat circle. The lady turns back into the room and freezes, staring wide-eyed at the chairs. Then she bursts out laughing and the boys join the merriment.
That’s a harmless prank. By contrast, something that actually makes the victim look like crap or feel like crap is not harmless. However, plenty of humans on this planet lack any active empathy, and cannot comprehend why a highly embarrassed victim is angry. “But, it’s so funny!” As a child I would literally howl and weep when social predators made fun of me. Now that I am an aging adult, cynicism has taken root. Not in the sense of keeping on hand a supply of nasty surprises for vengeance, but in the sense that I really don’t trust my own motives at times. Someone who cannot feel what I feel is simply untrustworthy.
There is no personal animosity. It’s just a matter of focus on the mission. I can’t work with people like that; it’s virtually guaranteed they’ll interfere in how I have to operate.
If a prank amuses you, fine — go ahead and laugh it off. Never be surprised that a significant portion of humanity will not be amused; I am one of them. I have long ceased caring much about being embarrassed, but that level of insensitivity points to a moral weakness. The strong moral response, of course, is not anger. Rather, you should simply say, “I think I need to find some other folks to hang out with.”
