Certain Uncertainty

I’m unsure of where to place to blame.

They thunder with obscene certainty that this or that course of action is God’s demand. While we might justly question the identity of the “God” they cite, it’s enough to note these loudmouths seek to curtail any debate. Don’t you dare question what they might seek to gain by such pronouncements. Everyone has some sort of dreams and hopes, or they cease being human. Sometimes the simplest answer is buying into those hopes and dreams of someone else because it’s less work.

Somehow this all bleeds over into our individual consciousness. There’s a habit of mind, an unquestioned assumption about the very process of thinking itself that our greatest need is certainty. The certainty is always linked to something we can control, something that falls within reach of our reason and intellectual grasp. Perhaps we already understand on some level that we would die without some level of tension, so in order to have a reason to keep on living, we have to find that something for which we struggle. It’s not the thing itself, but the mere existence of struggle by which we justify our pursuit of the three appetites (comfort, entertainment and significance).

I suppose that somewhere in the bottom of our minds is this assumption that if those appetites exist, it is God’s fault and therefore, He must be behind all this drive to struggle. It’s a sort of “God forbid” that this struggle be pointless. So we don’t mind coming up with all sorts of rules and guidelines about how we struggle, but something in our entire matrix of assumptions demands that the goal of struggle be something we can define. That the cosmos itself is hard-wired to counter that gives rise to some kind of dissonance, so we turn around and paint our goals with dreamy holiness. This allows us an escape for the certain failure, or alternatively, the sense of disappointment that comes from achieving something we thought was a worthy struggle. Some part of us knows we aren’t actually supposed to win or we would stop struggling and cease to have a reason for living.

I don’t deny that it’s been a problem since leaving Eden, but this is quite easily discerned as a major problem within Western Civilization in particular. Our innate communion with God’s Creation is broken from what we had in Eden, but elements of what makes the West unique greatly aggravate the problem. We keep bumping up against reality and our system of reckoning just doesn’t allow for the right answer. If we cannot bring the answer down under the limits of our human reasoning, we have this burning instinct to reject the answer. Thus, we are torn between necessity, uncertainty and a confusing mess of conflicting internal demands.

I cannot speak to your dreams and hopes. In the first place, too many people aren’t in full recognition of their individual drives singly or as a whole. That’s just on the human level. On top of that, waaaaay too many people have no useful awareness of the Spirit Realm. The vast majority of organized Christianity has no real clue about the spirit as a separate faculty above the intellect, never mind how the spirit feeds back into the rest of our awareness. I’m still struggling with the entangling shredded fishnet of this vast mythology myself.

That is, my own hopes and dreams keep crashing up against that invisible barrier of reality.

I’m not suggesting it’s a mistake to have them, but that we Westerners, regardless of our struggle to break away from being so naively Western, don’t know what purpose they should serve in our reckoning. While I can easily see, and even explain, how it should not work, I’m not sure I can be very helpful with how it should.

About the only really solid rock I can find under my feet, the one anchor point that never seems to fail, is all the things I’ve taught about the Laws of God — AKA, divine justice, moral discernment, quantum reasoning, etc. That part works and it seems my expectations in that direction are fairly consistent with that invisible reality. If nothing else, our corner of the world is often spared the sorrows that afflict those around us. I never expected it to be so clear-cut and brutal as the Passover and splashing blood on the door posts, but in the broad general sense that I am convinced the Bible promises to us today: A recognizable measure of God’s wrath on pervasive human sin passes over us without stopping for a visit. That’s matched, of course, with the certainty that we are camping next to our own pillar of fiery cloud.

There are a few items of specificity that do come with unquestionable clarity from my spirit. I stand by the prophecies I’ve already posted, two items in particular: The US must not go to war against Iran, and we Americans are not permitted to organize a political resistance to the rising police state. I can comfortably extrapolate those two into other directions, but I recognize them as my own work, not necessarily the voice of the Spirit for me. And I still maintain that it was God’s demand that I pursue physical fitness, though I have no clue to specific purpose in the sense that I train my body for anything I can organize logically. So far, the one most useful result is the end of tachycardia episodes. I suppose that’s as good as any other objective, so the rest is just a matter of what tickles my fancy. It grates on my military-conditioned instincts that I don’t have anything in particular to train for.

Thus, I have this overwhelming sense of mission and I’m drowning, because the mission is undefined. That is, aside from some broad generalities about teaching the Law and Christian Mysticism, and all the stuff that’s behind that, I have nothing my mind can recognize as a particular preparation. There’s nothing I can point to and say, “I’m getting ready for this.” It’s no fun, and if you have the same sense of being unguided, I can’t help you. All I can do is point you to a better grasp of God’s revelation and what it could demand of you in broad generalities.

Explore your own path. I’m still stumbling around in mine.