Everything Is a Matter of Conviction
Throw it all in the trash.
All the assumptions about reality we have been taught are simply to keep us in line. The mere notion that there is an objective reality that we all experience precisely the same is a part of that lie. It’s meant to make you subservient.
Over and over again, Scripture warns that serving the Lord puts you at odds with the rest of the world. That’s the way it’s supposed to be for us. Do whatever you can to avoid being in conflict with human authority, but never buy into their lies (Matthew 23:1-3). It goes all the way back to Abraham, whose covenant ritual included a warning that those who embrace his faith will suffer persecution and sorrow through the symbol of the smoking pot, but that they would also be a light to the world in the flaming torch (Genesis 15).
That this took place in a mystical vision should indicate something very important: God speaks in a very private way. Indeed, you should assume that everything God has to say to you is intensely personal. It will be a reality He grants to you alone. Reality will come to you as a person, someone who treats everyone individually. You will receive guidance from the Lord that will surely appear with similarities in how He deals with others — He is the same God — but with unique individual flourishes that signal His divine calling on your life.
So the first thing we must establish is that the starting point for your whole life is your personal experience with God. All you really have to know about anything is that God resides in your heart. He is the sole authority to whom you are accountable. You owe Him first before anyone else gets a piece of you.
In practice, this means you must learn to hear your convictions. Perhaps you’ve heard that old saw: “You hold your opinions, but your convictions hold you.” You need to develop an internal psychology of discerning between your thoughts versus those things that you simply must do to have peace with yourself. While the interface between your conscious mind and your convictions is your conscience, the conscience itself is fallible. Still, you have to start somewhere, and your conscience is it. Once you begin to obey your conscience consistently, it will be corrected over time. What you are reaching for is better clarity, making your conscience a reliable conduit of your convictions.
The difficulty is all the stuff that’s been inflicted upon our conscience. It will start out loaded with crap that other people have put on you. It’s a lot like trying to revive an old hand pump well. The water is way down there and it takes a while to get it flowing. A lot of crap comes out at first, maybe even some little critters. It takes some work to keep pumping until the water runs clear. You dare not drink that first few pumps, but you need to make them come out. So with your conscience, you have to query it because it’s not used to pulling from the depths of your soul. Be dubious about what first comes out of it.
You need to obey the best you know at any given time. It will get better with time and practice. Don’t second guess yourself with too much regret when your first moral impulses don’t work out. The issue is that you have nothing else to work with when you first start out. You are committed to making your best effort to obey the Lord. You know He speaks in your convictions — that’s a conviction in itself — you need to use what you’ve got so the Lord can begin to flow and cleanse things.
So nail it down: You cannot trust any other agency in your life. You must go first from your convictions as best you can discern what they require of you. It will take time and it will always get better.
Reach down inside. Do what you have to do in order to remain who you are.
