Many years ago, when the manosphere was a hot topic, I wrote several different times about how the best way to get the attention of lovey ladies was to not give them yours. At my age this is no longer very interesting, though it has been amusing to see that it still works to some degree on women who are at least middle-aged. I can’t imagine why a pretty young thing these days would notice me; the generation gap is quite substantial. The younger ones don’t act like women used to, and I am quite sure they look at the world quite differently.
Still, I’ve been asked to explain the logic. Why does it work this way with those closer to my age?
Basic biblical truth: Women are wired to seek a strong male covering. Even when they aren’t aware of it, something inside of them drives them to notice men who are strong internally, even if not morally. American women have been subjected to an overwhelming cult of lies. They don’t even know themselves, for the most part. They know when they like something, but often could not begin to give an honest answer why.
So, most of them like to gussy up and make the most of their looks. They’ve been taught to use their beauty as power over others. Most men, when they see a gal who looks pretty good, they tend to simp. That means they all but throw up their hands in surrender to whatever she demands. Women have been taught that they want this. But they really don’t. Once they get what they are told they want, they aren’t satisfied at all. They aren’t interested in men who simp over them. Those men are weak; they have no internal strength and can’t answer that semi-conscious call in her soul for a real manly man.
But then there are just a few men around who, either instinctively know or have been well taught, and they barely pay any attention to the beauties they encounter. Unless this fellow is just downright repulsive, at least a few of those beauties are going to notice that he’s not a simp. They’ll be drawn just a little, and will want to make sure. They get the feeling he is stronger than they are, and it triggers something inside. She needs that kind of strength and guidance; she can’t resist it.
So, she’ll try a more direct way to get his attention. If he plays a little hard to get, she will likely keep trying until she decides he’s out of reach. It varies from woman to woman, but the basic trend is obvious. Whenever I encounter a significant number of women in one place, in a setting where talking to each other is a normal activity (church, potluck gathering, a bar, etc.), it never seems to fail that if I am rather aloof, I get attention from at least a few.
My wife notices it before I do. It has become a game for us. I’m trying not to notice, so she’ll tell me when someone is moving close enough to pass by to see if I’ll pay any attention. I don’t. I may glance, but not follow her with my eyes. Instead, I’ll turn and say something to my wife that only she can hear. I’ll act very relaxed and very much the VIP. I’ve been trained to jump up and take charge, and so far as I know, it shows. And the efforts to get my attention typically continue.
A man’s physical appearance does matter, but not nearly as much as his sense of frame, his command of his own domain. The single best indicator is your confidence, your appearance of self-control, your comfort with demanding situations. But this is what men should be like in the first place, simply as a measure of glorifying God. How it affects others is our witness.
