Paranoia?

I have a burning conviction in my soul that something big is about to break out in our world. Several of you have discussed with me privately how God is calling you to serve in ways that make no sense at all unless He’s going to change the situation in big ways. Each of us is being called to prepare for something that is currently not fully visible.

God wants and uses all kinds of people. His glory shines at all levels of human existence and in ways we might not expect. Not everyone needs to know about the wider context, because God made them to handle only one small part of that big picture. But some of you have a calling that requires you be aware of the big picture. Maybe not so much because He wants to use you at that higher level, but He has determined that His glory shines brightest when you see your small part in that bigger whole.

For example, I tend to see bigger trends, even though a major part of my individual calling is just seeing them, not getting involved. My job is seeing and telling; the communication is the thing. I’m perfectly fine with being an introvert and a loner in religious terms. While I do have a gift for public presentation, I don’t have a forum right now. Instead, I do almost all of my work via the Internet. And that also means investing a lot of resources in understanding the Internet.

I’ve mentioned often enough my very bad experience with senseless persecution from the US government in the guise of the US Marshals. It started just about 1999. They were chasing a fugitive from a drug sting and I was close to that fugitive’s family. But instead of first checking to see what kind of man I was — a recent Military Policeman and DARE Officer — they simply assumed the worst and tore into my life with ham-fisted abandon. When they finally found out I was not a reasonable target of suspicion, it changed nothing in their bureaucratic blindness. They kept up the surveillance for a few of years and slandered me to other folks in that fugitive’s family and circle of acquaintances. Apparently they never found anything that justified the wasted effort.

Still, they were tapping my phones, creating suspicions about me in the community where I lived, and got me fired from my job as a church Music Director. During that same time I experienced a lot of major computer hassles. It went on for a couple of years. This was when I began seriously exploring alternative computer operating systems, and learning about hacking and snooping. When I changed over to Linux and FreeBSD, those computer problems went away. Instead, I faced other forms of interference with my presence on the Net. My accounts were hacked. It came and went, and a few years ago on this blog I mentioned facing a fresh rash of troubles that bore the same signature of half-assed technical incompetence, but still enough messing around that I almost closed this blog. I note in passing that brushing up against a few powerful religious figures seemed connected to it. Yes, the powers of the US government were used against me in favor of mainstream religious bigshots; someone used their influence to renew some of that surveillance activity.

I got completely away from my previous mainstream religious activities. Then it quit. Need I explain in detail how this all ties to my faith? This whole thing started when I was teaching Bible History and background to folks from my unique perspective. And everything bad the Marshals said about me was tied to my religion. It made me defensive because this was not long after the Feds murdered some folks who had non-mainstream religious views: Ruby Ridge, Waco, etc. And don’t let anyone lie to you; the religion was a major element in federal attention to these folks. Not that I shared any of their beliefs, but I was exploring in my own soul just what kind of implications it had for me to face that kind of persecution. It wasn’t harmless for me.

People who haven’t experienced that kind of thing see me as paranoid. It’s the kind of people who think having your computer hacked is like getting struck with lightning. I’ve been struck by lightning twice, though fortunately both times it was indirect. I got a serious jolt but no lasting injuries either time. I’m not afraid of storms and electricity, and I’m not afraid of hacking. I’m just taking precautions that match my experience. Is it paranoia if you have already been hurt?

You don’t have to share my paranoia, but it might help if you understand where it comes from. Meanwhile, I’m not going to let that persecution stop me. That’s what matters here for you, dear Reader. You have your own sorrows to face, and you still have a calling from God on your life. Meanwhile, we are up against a whole world that doesn’t see the hand of God moving. They never saw it before and are even more blind to it now. Don’t hesitate to move toward a sense of calling that makes no sense to anyone else. Boldly stand on the truth that burns in your heart, and the things God has led you through as preparation for a ministry of mercy we cannot yet see.

All things work together for the good when you keep yourself in His hands.