Bring It On

Let me try something different here.

I look in the mirror at my face and I know full well the filth in my fleshly desires. At times it terrifies me, snarling and threatening to expose me at the worst possible moments. It’s Satan’s ally in my soul. There are temptations in my life that I dread because I’m not sure I will overcome them if I face them. I pray to avoid those things.

Another part of me has every confidence in the power of the Holy Spirit. How in the world did I marry as a virgin at 21, and remain faithful to my spouse, and avoid all the dalliances I was offered along the way, before and after? I can assure you, it was not from a lack of interest in sex. Yes, there were many real offers and some were quite blatant. This is not a boast of my purity, but in the power of God to help us stand in those moments of testing.

The ghastly impurities of fleshly lusts rage within me still. I’m not special. I don’t have anything God has denied others when it comes to the battle against sin. Hebrew 12:3-6 warns that we must be willing to shed own blood in resisting the sin demanded by this world. I’m not sure I can explain where that kind of passion comes from, but I’ve been allowed to taste it, and I know beyond all doubt that it’s there for you.

Here’s a parable of how I envision things. I’m like a SpecOps soldier. Not some super-duper hero, but someone truly passionate about handling the mission. The ultimate qualification for something like Delta Force isn’t merely being physically superior; that’s just how you get in the door. And even then, most of it is matter of accepting the training and pushing yourself because you have that passion. What really matters is that you be willing to endure immense loads of crap, sheer nonsense and inexplicable hassle, because you are addicted to pushing through to the end. This is the only real factor in what makes them “elite.”

Don’t get the idea that success is even really that important. Those guys fail more often than they succeed. It’s because they keep trying that they become valuable. There’s nothing they won’t try to do in order to carry out the mission. They have no compunctions at all about anything that restrains typical humans. Most people would say they have no moral compass, but that’s a mistake; their moral compass is magnetized to the mission. They can be trusted with the darkest secrets because they would rather die than compromise the mission.

This is where I point out that prissy middle class morals are a major problem, demanding that certain things be controlled for the sake of material prosperity. The leaders of that idolatry claim it’s the Word of God, and pervert Scripture to make it seem to say what they promote. It’s not that SpecOps guys are psychopaths who reject all restraint; they just don’t adhere to the common expectations of our society.

I don’t either. Not because I could really be a SpecOps soldier, but God uses me because I’m not a sucker for the silly nonsense promoted by those who think only of their comfort. A part of me is willing to face temptations I know could eat me alive, because that’s where the action is. I’ll endure a lot of discomfort — keep in mind I’m the kind of idiot who rides 50 miles or more on a bicycle with bad knees — because I want to push through to the end of the mission. And if you are stupid enough to try hindering me, you could get hurt. And if it’s me that gets hurt, that doesn’t change my resolve. Nothing matters more than the mission.

If you read the fat load of crap in the archives of this blog, going back more than ten years, you’ll see that I’ve tried several different projects that fell through. I believed they could work, but somehow things didn’t turn out in my favor. I’m still at it. I made some adjustments to my expectations and I’m still advancing the mission. As with so many times during my military service, there are plenty of things I know I am not privileged to see about the future. But when I can get a clear image of what I have to do right now, I’ll push ahead with that, regardless of the outcome.

I have a burning certainty that there is a divinely appointed mission ahead of me that I cannot see, and that will no doubt surprise me in many ways. This Corona virus plague was most certainly a surprise, but it clearly matches things I did expect in the past. I have no idea how this will end, but I know what God requires me to do with what is right in front of me. All the things God has put me through up to this moment were preparation for the coming day of battle. And when I get to the other side of that, it will in turn become a training experience for what lies farther out there, should I still live.

But I’m addicted to the challenge. I can’t retire now; there is too much I haven’t tasted of this calling. When something breaks, I grab a crutch and keep on moving with the mission. Bring it on, Lord!