As always, what follows is strictly advisory, my own exploration of the idea. The finest works of art in the world are each a singular product, something which cannot be duplicated, and which draws you by its beauty. Our children can be works of art.
When bouncing off what I see done wrong all around me, it serves as the starting place. The first and most important element is taking them seriously. A soul of peace takes everyone seriously, and children are people, too. Your own particularly deserve your full attention. Most people aren’t really paying attention to their kids when they interact. The adults are too full of their own insecurities and needs, and they project them onto the children. While guiding them is necessary, and the only time leadership is good and right, if you are lost yourself, it works out poorly.
To raise peacemakers requires you are first committed to making peace in yourself and your world. Children can model only the degree of sanity you bring to the task. As always, there are no absolutes, and you will most certainly see them reach adulthood while nursing a big pile of regrets. It is a work of art, passion, something far more than mere knowledge, not science. Your children will seldom turn out better than you are at your best. If you are a peacemaker, they will know it matters and it will matter to them.
Radical sanity and peacemaking requires you ditch most of what other people in this world consider important. Indeed, you basically have to ditch this world, itself. Not as the doper and fantasy gamer, addicted to something which cannot ever exist, but ditching it as the place where your heart lives. We can’t be sane if we want more of this mess, just a different flavor. We have to want something far, far better, so much better it won’t actually happen here, something for which we were designed. It will come in its own time, but not on this plane.
Examine it yourself: The mainstream of our society demands conformity. People of peace and sanity demand their children stop and consider before committing to a choice. We don’t pretend to know how they will turn out, how they should turn out. What we should hate most is removing from consideration genuinely sane possibilities. Common sense is generally the term others use to keep us from doing things they don’t like. There is a great deal we don’t like which is purely a personal preference, and no reflection at all of cosmic truth. So when you examine the process, examine yourself. You won’t perfect the results ever, but if you aren’t in the process, there is no hope at all for the results. Remove constraints in your own mind for your children.
The likes of Timothy Leary on child rearing is simply a piece of truth blown all out of proportion. He went too far in saying children should find their own restraints in all things. Let them learn fire is hot and will hurt them, but don’t let them jump into it. Somewhere in the reality of daily child rearing, you have to have some sense of how far is too far. Don’t let them destroy what matters because that’s not peace, it’s not concern for others. The essence of peace is not simply a lack of conflict, but reducing conflict actively when it’s in your power. Leary and his fellow travelers don’t comprehend empathy, the need to build security in a child because you are reliable about keeping them from unnecessary pain.
There are plenty of things which can’t be taught, only caught. You have to portray it, exemplify it, be fully conscious of their natural tendency to emulate. Let them explore what you do, knowing some day they must inevitably turn from some it. You aren’t turning out carbon copies of mom and dad; cloning is not natural, not peaceful nor sane.
You’ll notice I’m only addressing generalities. That is merely self-consistency. By awakening the spirit of peaceful sanity in the question of child rearing, you’ll operate under a far higher level of awareness, and the details will fall into place. And when you just can’t figure something out, trust the kid. Truly, this works better than you realize. No, there is no unfailing principle here, just a raft of suggestions which indicate a better way of looking at things. If you face some conflict in the process for which you lack the tools to resolve, what makes you think the child won’t realize that, and discover something truly important about the limitations of humanity?
Most importantly is your honesty. The one thing which makes me angry about the whole business of education and training, and regardless of the age or mission of the learners, is dishonesty. Keep private things private, but always offer all pertinent information. No, don’t overload them with extraneous detail, but never, ever hide things you would want to know in their place. Playing head games is cruel and hateful, a manifestation of insecurity. So it is with any form of entertaining yourself at the expense of others. Call it “sin” if that brings clarity, but it’s simply another way of saying any form of deception is totally inconsistent with peace and sanity. If someone does not agree to a round of head games, you are enslaving them and creating conflict if you slip it into the mix. Be utterly transparent to everyone, especially your children.
Peaceful and secure children become peace makers.
