As noted previously, dominance in Game is not about having total control over anyone else, but refusing to surrender control over yourself.
In other words, you demand the freedom to be yourself. This assumes you’ve committed yourself to looking in the mirror of your soul on a regular basis. Particularly important is when you suffer a setback of any sort, it requires you take a moment to let the passions die down and analyze things carefully. Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is only about males, either. Women who surrender control too easily, or for the wrong reasons, end up being abused. The issue is remaining free to operate in your own best interest.
Marriage is a negotiated mutual surrender. All other relationships have an entirely different goal. You still have to negotiate, but the threshold is not at all the same. There is a literal-figurative duality in the image of having only your spouse come into the bedroom, while everyone else has to negotiate just to get up on your porch. Thus, the underlying principles of operation are always the same, because sexual identity can’t be removed from human relations, nor even some animal relations, without destroying the humanity of people involved. (Need I state bluntly that’s a sin?)
Game theorists refer to the concept of frame. You view your world through a portal, a frame of reference. You can’t do this artificially for long; it will eat you alive. You don’t wear the frame, you develop it and make it your reality. As a mystic, I insist there is no objective reality in the ultimate sense. There is a certain amount of common conception by which we can all agree to operate, but no one is really bound by that. One of the most poorly understood Hebrew symbols is the image of sun, moon and stars being shaken and altered. It’s a complete failure to take that literally; the point is to warn you reality as you know it remains questionable, particularly in certain contexts.
This world is a big lie in the first place, so don’t put too much trust in what you think you know simply because of what your senses have detected. You’ll be surprised at how often what seems obvious on one level is wrong on some other level. There is a sense in which your reality is your convictions, the things from which you can’t walk away. Deluded or not, you operate from your frame of reference and let others have their own. The mind trap of believing in a concrete objective reality in this makes you an annoying member of the truth police; while you may do well with lesser things, humans will hate you and justly so. The part of you dealing with humans is recognizing they aren’t required to accept your reality, nor you theirs.
This is particularly important in dealing with the world at large. The common ground which most of us can agree upon is the observations and tested analysis of Game theorists about human behavior in response to people who know their own frame. There is a core of certainty which gives you character. Test it for yourself. Test it often with the aim of refining it, because you’ll never arrive at the definitive end point until you die. What permits humans working together is sufficient intelligence to recognize when and where frames overlap enough to interact. It requires a sense of character to handle those places which are disconnected. The strategies vary with your purpose and the context, but the underlying principle is refusing to negotiate things you simply cannot.
Most of the time, the best strategy is to ignore the discontinuity. Sometimes your persistence alone is sufficient. Calculate the price in advance and be ready to pay it, because at times it will seem the whole world will test your reality. Recognize that boundary layer of things which become negotiable under certain contexts, and learn there are most likely a whole lot of things which simply aren’t necessary in the first place, but your failure to consider makes them seem essential to you. In other words, don’t be an asshole because you are too lazy to think about it. Being free includes not being trapped by your own weaknesses.
Some practical applications:
- If you tend to make verbal mistakes, learn to laugh at them or keep your mouth shut.
- Play to your strengths, stick with what you know best, and never make extravagant claims you can’t back or can’t laugh about.
- If you are strong in taking your lumps, and you don’t take yourself too seriously, you can afford to experiment a great deal more and take risks.
- Learn the language of eye contact; it’s as important as speaking.
- Break the habit of nervous laughter.
- Humor, whimsy, comical sarcasm — these are very powerful tools to reducing tension and diverting challenges.
- Never apologize if you really find something funny. Seek other company instead.
- Learn to recognize a challenge to your freedom/dominance. It could be something as simple as, “Does this [whatever] make me look fat?”
- The woman who doesn’t subtext is a rare treasure. The man who does subtext cannot be your friend. If you can, learn to recognize subtext when you encounter it.
- You can be wide open and transparent if your center is strong enough.
Enjoy your frame.
