The words are easily less important than tone, context and delivery. That’s the whole point. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say this in the most nerve-grating way. That or, “No, you said…” If the way it comes across stirs anything at all, stay away from the person who said it.
That’s because you are dealing with someone who pretends they are the truth police. They’ll pick out your words and throw them back at you as a weapon, designed to sting and hurt. It’s often a form of punishment, as if you were a detestable worm subject to their arrogant correction. This is the mouth of someone who will attack your heart and spit on your soul. Tolerate it from someone you can’t get rid of, but never from a romantic interest.
Always observe them carefully before you even make any approach. You need to see them under stress, at their worst. How they treat others signals how they will treat you. Chances are you will catch it even worse the first time you disappoint them because you’ll be closer emotionally. And you will, because you are human. Sure, it’s easy to learn gaming techniques and how to face down a romance partner who wants to fight, but it’s morally wrong in the first place. It’s wrong for you to treat it like a game, and wrong for you to let them do it to you. It will most certainly lead to moral harm for anyone around you, including any kids if you decide to have them.
In the broader context, it’s an evil culture and an evil civilization that descends into nit-picking legalistically over precise wording. Don’t be a part of that. It’s not that we need a bunch of Pollyannas who always seek the best construction on any communication, but it does require a generous soul that makes room for human weakness to be worthy of your love and devotion. If you can’t read between the lines when someone talks and acts, then you are dealing with a foreigner, for all intents and purposes.
But in case you are wondering, the proper gentle protest is more like: “Oh, I’m sorry. I was under the impression you meant…” It’s not as if you should never experience anger or hurt, but a drama queen/king gets bored when things are too nice and stable for more than a few minutes. Learn how much drama you can actually tolerate in the long run and choose accordingly.
Great advice. I could have used this five years ago!
I’m pushing 60 and I wish I had the ability to write it years ago. Sadly, I’m learning much of this by proxy, before my very eyes, daily.
Those with ears to listen will benefit greatly from people like you. The Greek mentioned you as the man who plants trees whose shade he will never sit in. Thanks for planting seeds of wisdom!
Thanks. As noted in a previous post, that doesn’t motivate me to keep writing, but it does motivate me to continue the misery of watching this crap and understanding what I’m seeing.