Heart of Faith: Chapter 6

(This originally appeared on Linda’s blog and is posted here because it will be included in the book.)

Chapter 6 — Linda’s Story

This is just an introduction of the first page in the first chapter of a story that I cannot begin or end. I know not the beginning nor the ending. It is Father’s Story and only He knows. The heart is the connection to that story, directed solely and at the whim of Our Lord. It is the connection to all of creation, the heart of our world and universe.

I am not good with words. I cannot explain that which cannot be explained. It is a knowing kind of thing that goes way beyond the mind’s comprehension. It is a “being” kind of thing that only the heart can understand.

How easy it is for me to let my mind take control of everything that I do. When that happens, I fall hook, line and sinker for all the suggestions that it makes. Falling for all of the suggestions that it makes to me, I can become agitated or depressed or anxious. Hours and hours of listening and believing those thoughts will make me crazy, ready to react or respond in kind to myself or some other person I was thinking about. My mind is my enemy.

But how can this be? My mind is a most splendid thing, capable of knowing, understanding, and logically discerning anything it desires. My mind is brilliant actually, having a high enough IQ to be a member of Mensa. So what exactly is the problem if I am such a “smart” person? How could it be that my mind can possibly think such crazy things that are not even rational, but instead based on emotions or paranoia enough to cause me so much pain?

Then something happened; another voice started speaking. It was a calm voice, bringing peace to my overwhelmed, over-thinking mind. A voice of Love, a voice of Joy, a voice I had never heard before. Or, maybe it was because I never listened for it or to it.

At first it was like a parent and child kind of conversation. I felt like I was being judged as though I had to justify the thoughts that my mind was thinking. I argued with that voice and it just waited patiently and just answered me with love. I thought it was the good me and the bad me having an argument about how I could be justified in thinking and feeling as I did.

This confusion over what was going on, this little argument going on inside my head, went on for months. Little did I realize that what was really going on was something far outside of my normal way of thinking.

It was my heart. It was that beating heart in the middle of my chest that was speaking to me with love, with kindness, with gentleness that was bringing me this peace. Because it had always been my mind that controlled me, that always explained things to me. I couldn’t understand that another part of me, my heart, could actually have a “mind” and voice of its own. It was my heart. Not the beating rhythmical sound in my chest, but a voice that spoke with wisdom of a different kind. It was a voice that spoke to me out of love. Love for me, for others, and for all of creation. It was a voice that didn’t judge or condemn or try to reason or compel.

Okay, so I can’t explain it. I can’t even begin to try to explain it. I don’t need to, not any more. It is really quite simple. When my heart rules and my mind obeys, I am at peace.

My mind could only do two things: react to something or respond to something. Reactions are usually a result of how we feel about ourselves and our responses usually based on experiences that we can recollect. React or respond to something, we are always basing it on our mind. That’s my take anyway. Right or wrong, it’s how I see it.

The heart, on the other hand, expresses itself through only one means and that is love. It does not react or respond. It simply expresses itself as a conduit through which God speaks. God speaks through the connection that our spirit has been blessed with from God’s Holy Spirit.

Therefore, it is our choice to allow our hearts to speak or to let our brain react or respond. In my personal experience my mind will always second guess me, criticize me, or not exactly get me the results I want. My heart, on the other hand, will never lead me wrong. For in matters of the heart, God is the One in control.

Most people have no clue of any of this, nor could they. Most of us don’t listen with our heart or even know that such a thing could exist. It isn’t rational. It doesn’t make sense. Nevertheless, it IS. And that is The Truth.

— Linda Cooke

Linda is a devoted member of this online parish.