Letting Her Go

Basic principle: Creation is inherently feudal. Equality is a doctrine of Hell. I’m not saying there are no ways in which humans are equal, but that the doctrine of broad-based equality is a lie. We are in most ways not equal, and should not try to be equal. We should try to sense our relative role in every context and act accordingly. The real issue is what God says is your role.

Some of that role-finding is a matter of conviction. You need to develop the ability to read your convictions. But a substantial portion of your role is defined by the standard rules of revelation. When you understand the Lord’s sense of priorities, all those rules make perfect sense.

One of those rules is that, in a marriage, the husband is the head of the household. No, it’s not “fair” by our typical western reckoning, but in that sense, God has never been fair with anyone. But God defines what is just, so it’s the western standard that is false. The husband must rule, or it’s not a just marriage. This is fundamental to the nature of Creation, of reality itself.

Western women have engaged in a longstanding cult of seizing power that God says they cannot exercise justly. He did not design them to handle certain decisions, though they certainly have some authority inherent in their nature. The history of social structure in the Bible indicates where those boundaries are. If you prefer, you can think of it as underlying principles that are illustrated by where God’s blessings fell, and where His wrath fell. His priorities are a mystery only to those who don’t submit to His feudal mastery.

It is expected that, in our fallen natures, there will be mistakes between even the most earnest souls bound together in marriage. The Bible paints a strong image of guidance on handling these conflicts. Most people ignore it, so there’s precious little knowledge of it these days. Since it is based on underlying moral themes, and not so much on simply aping the culture of the Bible, it’s all the more critical that we give prayer and contemplation to the issue for our context.

Thus, while I can lay out some of the moral truth about it, the details will vary widely by context. But for most Americans, the underlying problem is the female lust for power and authority God did not give her. Women have seized it by fleshly means and it has already started to rot and stink in their hands. The vast majority of western women will die deeply frustrated, because they have pursued a fantasy, not reality. They simply cannot have what their fallen fleshly natures desire.

This is one place where godly men can help out. We must refuse to operate on their terms. They must not rule over things God didn’t design them to handle. We cannot keep the world at large out of their hands, but we do not have to play along for ourselves. They are wrong.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of temporary disturbance in the relationship, as it’s human nature to be provoked to evil from time to time. Godly men must keep an eye on themselves with a measure of distrust, same as with their wives. Know that you are going to screw it up and will need to repent. So will your woman.

But there comes a point of no return, an invisible line that God will show you alone. If she crosses that line, you must cut her loose, lest she destroy all that God is trying to build in your life. In particular, be careful of power plays. When you have no leverage to get her back to safety, you must let her go off into the wilderness of sin alone. Yes, it will rip your emotions to shreds. That’s part of being human.

This does not address the thousands of mundane issues that arise on the social and legal level. That’s where God alone is your guide, in your convictions and in the counsel of those who are close to you. It’s messy and I cannot address that in a blog post, nor in a thousand of them. But if she refuses all leverage and takes all power to herself, you cannot be her covering. Her sin will defile and destroy your shalom. Your duty is to recognize when God says to let her go.

She can always repent and come back under your covering, but our society has placed severe limits on the practicalities. Be wary of both the woman and the world that hates our God.

Wise men of God will teach younger men these things, so that fewer of them will become entangled with women that are already useless in the Covenant of Christ.