It’s a simple idea: Gentle is the opposite of brutal.
Whenever I have encountered folks with a brutal streak, it boils down to a handful of things, sometimes in combination — self-righteousness, genuine hatred (rejoicing in someone else’s suffering), other forms of solipsism, and psychopathic tendencies. You have to let go of those things in order to follow your heart and to follow Christ.
Gentle does not exclude forceful. The issue is your attitude to the person in question; it’s a matter of why. Feelings aren’t really the issue. It arises from a sense of calling to act according to God’s character as He expresses Himself in your life. You are doing what pleases Him. You know He cares, even when you don’t understand the full context. You haven’t forgotten that human suffering is part of our fallen condition.
Don’t pretend that syrupy sweetness is the same thing. That’s just a distracting myth, the backside of brutality that suggests, “I’m better than you. See how sweet and perfect I am?” Kind and gentle have no connection to our Western social concept of “nice.” In fact, “nice” isn’t even a requirement of God’s Laws; it just adds to human suffering.
Most suffering is from a lack of moral wisdom. In other words, a certain amount is given after the Fall — “legitimate suffering” as Dr. Scott Peck calls it. But we can face that with aplomb if we understand it. That’s usually not really very much suffering in the wider perspective, but we often take on far more sorrow than is necessary because we have no clue about God’s character. If you can’t sense the moral fabric of Creation, it gets really hard to understand why you catch a taste of Hell. It’s because you are permitting the demons the justified authority to have a chunk of your life.
A critical element in cutting off demonic access is being gentle. Grab your kid and drag him back from the fire; don’t slap him away from it. Spank him if he keeps going back, though. Do what it takes to get his attention, but also make sure you understand as much as possible what drives him to be so foolish. Cultivate the kind of authority and protective parental presence that he’s less likely to transgress your boundaries.
It requires you tear yourself away from the game or soap opera or movie of the week. I suppose it goes without saying that your family is more important than your personal sense of entertainment, but that goes against our social conditioning. It’s easier to throw an outburst of angry wrath at your kids to make them stop something. That isn’t gentle.
It’s the call of God in your heart.
