Not Giving Up

Covering your torso is modesty; covering your bald spot is vanity.

I’ve settled into a routine of daily workouts that work more on my heart than any other muscle. I’ve been walking a few blocks lately — say, 10 minutes as a warm-up. Then I proceed on alternating days with either calisthenics to tone up the muscles (especially the legs) or an all over high-tension workout that improves circulation in all the muscles I manage to active. The latter includes a set of movements designed to hit the whole body; it tones, but it’s aim is circulatory.

I can sit longer without having the right leg elevated. The issue is not discomfort but circulation. If I sit too long in any seat with the knee slightly bent, the swelling behind the patella tends to reduce blood flow and the lower leg gets that faint swelling effect. Riding in the car on longer trips is particularly uncomfortable.

For awhile I’ve taken a halt on editing and reformatting the Bible study books. Someone made a request that got me thinking. I’m going to collect the more meaningful blog posts from the past three years into monthly booklets and re-publish them as HTML files. Then I’ll keep that rolling hereafter.

That’s because I’m still just a little uncertain about how economic troubles will affect our favorite Internet services. You can never tell when a currency exchange shift or banking collapse will shut down something you take for granted. The trend is to close without warning. By having a copy of the more pertinent teaching material, I won’t lose it to some black hole. By making the files into portable web pages, you can still use the search function in your browser to find key words if you are looking for something specific. Any standard desktop indexing will also serve a similar purpose.

I’m not trying to be alarmist because there is little we can do to prevent economic collapse. It won’t be an absolute stop of all trade and exchange, but a slow-down in relative terms to what we see now. Central banks will either rob depositors or close down, and quite a few will do both. Smaller banks will vary widely in their fortunes, but it’s not looking good for any country that belongs to the global banking exchange system (SWIFT). Countries that opt out or keep an alternate system working will do much better. It will hit Western countries the hardest.

But while specific operations will tend to shut down suddenly, the broader economic activity will tend to slow, but in ways hard to predict. All anyone can offer is generalizations. There is no central clearing house of detailed economic data; too much of what we do have is false. The Internet won’t go away, not by any means; TPTB depend on it too much.

Even our leased server space (soulkiln.org gone early in 2020) is somewhat vulnerable, because our host (Tim Butler) is leasing the machine himself; it’s physically located in Washington, DC in a data center owned by some big IT corporation. I haven’t forgotten what it would take to turn the big workstation into an actual server, should it come to that.

Meanwhile, I’ll start posting the blog archives on the FTP server for those who are interested. It will be in a “blog” folder.

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Timing Is Everything

How many of you remember my comments about sensing a divine necessity in going out that one day to take pictures of the West Elm Creek Valley? I was puzzled about that sense of urgency. But then, a short time later was the crash that destroyed my bike and could mean a full year hiatus from riding and photography before it’s over. To be honest, over half the shots I took that day weren’t good enough to post, so documenting things was not likely the priority. The point is that it was important to Him I get it done, and I presume it won’t be possible later.

Timing is everything. Right now it’s not all that obvious why my brother died a week ago instead of some other time. The only real sadness here is that I’m pretty sure he died without making peace with God. But today I’ll be gathering with some extended family and commemorating his life. What follows is something I wrote to share with everyone there:

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Jessie Tearl Hurst – 14 May 1970 – 26 June 2016

Nobody can claim to describe another person; all we can do is relate our individual experience. Hopefully you’ll recognize some of what I say as the same Jessie you knew.

He was born almost a full generation behind me, but we remained close as siblings, especially as he got out of childhood. From the very start he showed a disdain for boundaries. But instead of raging against them like a bulldozer, he developed a strong talent for circumvention. He always seemed to harbor the suspicion that boundaries and barriers were designed to keep him from something he might want. But it was seldom about the prize; he was always driven by the challenge to prove how smart he was against the system.

The world needs people like that because there are too many people who take the system too seriously. Unfortunately, those are the folks who guard the system and Jess spent a good chunk of his life incarcerated. Through all of that, I tried to keep track and did what I could to remind him that I cared. We did share some traits, but our different paths are a study in contrasts.

Jess in better days.

Jess in better days.

  • He was a convict; I was policeman.
  • With computers, he was a serious hacker who loved exploring; I was more of a customer service technician.
  • He was an atheist and I’m a clergyman.

We still got along fine. He still needed people. Genius is wasted unless there is someone who can see it. As long as he had some kind of companion to work with, he got a lot of work done. In those times he was isolated, not so much. Particularly in the second half of his life: He needed someone around to benefit from his talents or he lost his drive.

His intelligence stood in the gifted class, just a little short of the official definition of genius. So it’s not as if he didn’t know his personal habits were unhealthy, but there were few that he would trust as a sanity check. The decline began in earnest probably a decade ago, accelerating as time went on. He came out of prison buff and healthy, but when I found his body a week ago Sunday, he was emaciated.

It serves no good purpose blame anyone. He was his own man and fought being told what to do, which manifested in his adamant resistance to medical treatment. He made his choices and left us too soon.

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Conditional Physics

I felt that this didn’t fit in the pulpit because it’s didactic, more a question of fundamental philosophical approach.

Western Christianity tends to push God out into the spooky unknown. God is “knowable” only in the sense of propositional statements that are admittedly imprecise. Nonetheless, religious leadership tends to hold members accountable under a fairly precise rational orthodoxy. You end up with an impersonal God. Sure, we can stir up all kinds of emotion that makes it seem somewhat personal, but the focus remains on objective knowledge. Somehow, God remains distant in that inner space of the soul. It’s like having sex with a total stranger — you know about the other person, but don’t really get to know the person.

In clinical psychology, we call it cathexis — falling in love. The intensity of feeling is undeniable, and the world seems like a beautiful place. However, there has been none of the interpersonal negotiation that takes place over the long term, so any strong feeling of passion is frankly unjustified. There’s no substance. This is a fundamental element of our cultural mythology.

The essential nature of how Western minds work in regards to God is just like cathexis, and it’s on-again-off-again. We have a reflex to take every disappointment as a personal insult. He should know better than to treat us that way, right? Isn’t it just common sense? Except, our orthodoxy says that’s wrong, so we just push it down into the subconscious and fight it the rest of our lives. For the most part, mainstream Christianity is as phony as a three-dollar bill.

You can get to know God. However, you have to engage Him in your heart-mind. Once you start on that path, you become personally acquainted with God. Propositional orthodoxy goes out the window. You begin to see and get a feel for those things that register in the mind as personal quirks. And like any real person who manages an empire too vast for knowing, there are times He’s not granting your every wish. The intellect will not permit you to imagine that the flaw is on your end when you stumble into the middle of a storm He created. Didn’t He know you were going to be there? But your heart tells you He did know and that you were the one who missed the cues. Or maybe it’s time for you to experience something He wants you to beat by faith.

Ask Abraham how it felt to be told his only natural born son was required on the sacrificial altar. The New Testament said he had the faith to believe that God could raise Isaac back to life, or whatever else it took to keep God’s promises (Hebrews 11:8-10).

The notion of physical causality is a fundamental lie. That’s because it excludes moral causality, and moral causality trumps the physical.

Let’s pretend for a moment. Have you encountered the sort of Science Fiction notion of somehow being able to directly sense physical reality? The old term is “ESP” — extra-sensory perception. For example, maybe someone has the ability to sense on a molecular level that something is about to break under strain. That’s the materialistic explanation for people knowing things they cannot detect with their senses. Maybe you saw the movie about a guy who could sense whether an approaching storm front was powerful enough to create tornadoes. He used a lot of scientific equipment to learn about the storm itself, but no one could estimate scientifically that it was going to be nasty enough to justify the investment of resources. But the other folks competing for the research money didn’t have his talent for knowing when to use it. In our culture, it’s either some spooky thing or it’s ESP.

What seems to rational minds like some kind of ESP is actually a moral focus that understands God, and thus understands reality (His Creation). Our “ESP” is a moral insight, not some factual perception. How many times did the Apostles pass that beggar at the Temple gate (Acts 3) before something inside of them knew that today was the day for healing his legs? Why didn’t Jesus do it while He was still around? Because the timing was tied to the moral purpose of God, not some human calculus of efficiency.

In the Bible, it comes from knowing God; it’s a direct sense of moral reality, not physical reality. Again: God’s moral character is woven into Creation. And Creation is a person, too, and will talk to you about what God is doing, if you learn to listen. Of course, what Creation will tell you is consistent with your calling, not merely your intellectual curiosity. Moral truth trumps physical fact. God remakes His Creation all the time; it’s a built-in factor of Creation itself. Creation stands ready to make adjustments to itself; it’s a project that would cease to exist the moment God stops paying personal attention. Scientists will never discover the principle of what force keeps the subatomic particles together as atoms, against their mutually repelling charges, because it rests on the personal attention of God.

Jesus performed His miracles under the Law of Moses. Balaam engaged God’s prophetic message under the Law of Noah. You have to understand that those Law Covenants represent something characteristic of God and His moral essence. Their ANE culture was quite comfortable with expecting moral causality to overpower physical causality, yet I contend they didn’t ignore the latter. They still expected a rock to fall when they dropped it, but were always ready to test the moral considerations of every physical act.

God didn’t wind up Creation and let it run; He’s communing with His Creation personally.

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Psalm 107

Book 5: Psalms 107-150

This is a catchall collection of several smaller collections of public worship songs, including the songs of Ascents and Hallelujah psalms. In other ways it seems to celebrate specifically covenant promises and how to claim them.

Psalm 107

This is called “The Song of the Redeemed.” While the specific focus is how God has kept His covenant promises, we do well to remember there is more than one covenant with humanity. The promises under Moses are specific examples of how God acts in all times and places. If you cling to a heart-mind awareness of His divine moral character in Creation, then Creation will respond of itself, but He will amplify those natural blessings to those who love Him.

We are treated to five examples, but the last is more of a summary. All are in dire straights, as is the norm for fallen humanity. In some cases the trouble is because of a failure to keep faith with God, but some are simply the result of seemingly random circumstance. God does what He does, and humans often stumble into His works without full knowledge and run the risk of perishing. In call cases, calling on His name is the key to deliverance, while giving thanks and praise is the key to staying out of more trouble. Does anyone have to explain that the symbolic or parabolic meaning is more important than the specific imagery?

It’s not hard to pick out the pattern of musical stanzas in the first four examples. Someone comes into difficulty, cries out to God and He delivers. The psalmist encourages all to glorify God for His greatness, as demonstrated by the repeated phrase, “His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the sons of man!”

First are the travelers. For Israel, the standard symbol is wandering in the semi-desert wilderness. There is no particular sin at work; this is simply how the world is. By default, we are blind to God’s promises of provision. We cannot with our own human abilities find the basic needs of life and create a stable society. The symbol of shalom is summed up as stable and prosperous life in an Eastern feudal community. But if mankind calls on God, He will provide their needs, in this case by guiding them into His divine provision. He shows them the place He made for them and it provides all they need. When you respond to God’s call on your life, He provides all you need to glorify His name.

Second are the captives; there is little difference between slavery and prison in the ancient Hebrew world. In this case, it is the result of disobeying God, hinting at idolatry. This is a parable for those who reject whatever revelation God offers, and are forced to serve the Enemy of our souls. Calling on God is the only deliverance.

The third group is portrayed as ill, but the primary cause is moral illness — insensitive to the moral fabric of Creation. There is no pleasure in this dissolute life, and they approach death rapidly. But calling on God brings healing and restoration.

Fourth are sailors, a job that is high risk with a high payoff if you succeed. Ancient mariners were uniformly religious and quite superstitious because they were so powerless. They were fully aware of the power of God’s mighty works in Creation, because they saw it up close. When by His inscrutable will He sends storms into their lives, they experience the radical ups and downs of high waves, hardly able to keep their feet under them. But if they cry out to God, He can deliver them and guide them to their destination.

Finally, the psalmist summarizes God’s faithful to Israel. Had he called her to occupy the most desolate land of all, it would not have mattered. Were she faithful to the covenant mission, God could have easily made the desert like a garden, with streams and pools aplenty. It would become fertile and produce abundant food. Life would explode, including their own population. And if they stray from that mission, it could all be reversed and they would be oppressed and humiliated by their enemies. Don’t get too fat and sassy, because God favors the humble who depend entirely on Him.

The psalm closes with a final warning to heed the moral character of God as indicated by these examples.

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The Language of Heaven

In some circles, it is almost trite to say it: “Praise is the language spoken in Heaven.”

That’s because it typically refers to some scripted exercise in emotional manipulation. Yet it remains true that a genuine moment of worship will reestablish your moral priorities and lift your soul from ambient sorrows. I have worked in church music since my teen years. Not because I’m such a great musician — I’m simply competent — but I’m loud and I don’t mind taking the lead.

This is the one thing about virtual communion that I miss most. A recording is still just a recording; it’s not the same as a live experience of communion in worship. What we do here is not a complete spiritual life, but it does indicate the rest. There is a whole big slice of implied fellowship and joy that simply cannot be shared directly via this medium.

And there is also a whole big slice of experiential faith, where you simply live what you believe, things I could never see in the feedback you might offer. You can indicate it by telling it, but you can’t share it directly. It is something we all have to assume takes place, because it has no meaning otherwise.

We can pray for each other, but none of us can lay our hands on each other to share that flaming touch of the Spirit. God can certainly heal long distance, as the Centurion learned when He asked Jesus to heal his servant, but nothing can replace that personal presence of two or more rising just high enough in the Spirit to catch a glimpse of what can and will be.

Revelation is for application, not merely interpretation.

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What Might Have Been

This is the initial post I wrote for that goofy magazine. You’ll notice that it takes a slightly different tack than what I post here, but still retains the essence of our mission.

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Every human aspiration to make the world a better place carries the seeds of its own destruction.

It becomes particularly obvious when we examine the rise and fall of empires and civilizations. Yet, even on the smaller scale of various political endeavors of our time, we see the same tendency to rot from within. What begins as a driving hunger against the existing system, once it succeeds and becomes mainstream, hardens into a bureaucracy that seeks to prevent change in the status quo. The creative genius of visionaries is replaced with the dehumanizing hive-mind — sometimes within the very same set of people who started the whole thing. This is the nature of human political activity.

We should hardly be surprised to find ourselves today at the ragged end of Western Civilization. Like it or not, this thing has run its course. Those who would seek to preserve what they deem the purity and vitality of past glories complain of all the invasive new trends that are obviously shredding things, but they fail to see that the destructive tendencies were there all along. Today’s whiny college dweeb scrabbling for an emotional safe space from micro-aggressions is not some insidious new attack on mainstream culture; it’s a direct derivative of the fundamental weaknesses. Every human endeavor has its own strengths and weaknesses, and Western Civilization is no exception.

The blindness to that truth comes from being too deeply absorbed into the ambient cultural myths. You cannot usefully evaluate Western Civilization using Western values. We can probably justify suggesting that the Enlightenment was the pinnacle of Western creative ferment, but if you can’t step outside of your admiration for it, you can’t see the inevitable breakage hidden within. For those pickled in the glory of it, the flaws don’t matter. Perhaps the early leading minds of the Enlightenment could turn a cynical eye to the mirror, but that died when it became the mainstream. You cannot mainstream a wise self-cynicism.

At least, you cannot do that in Western Civilization. You can write it as the essential rhetoric of the culture, but there’s nothing you can do to write it on the human soul if your culture fundamentally rejects the notion of the soul. The signal flaw of Western Civilization is the essential materialism of all assumptions. It presumes a reality confined to this universe, confined to what our reason and senses can handle. Could you step outside the cultural biases of the West, you would realize that even the vast varieties of Christian religion are locked into this narrow outlook. For all the talk of Heaven and Hell, the entire belief structure still drags them down into this realm of existence.

As you might expect, even as people begin to lose their sense of belonging to Western Civilization, church membership as a whole declines. At the same time, religious sensibilities are rising. Atheism is dying, too, because it arose from the same intellectual fabric as Western Christian religion. Even the most radical new wave of churches still share entirely too much with the dying culture. Can we remake religion as a human activity so that it better answers the evolving sense of spiritual pull for whatever follows Western Civilization?

By no means do I pretend I am some visionary genius about what’s coming toward us. Rather, I’m a pretty ordinary clergyman — using even that label cautiously. Of what I am far more certain is a sense of where I have to go in my calling, something that made me unpalatable to the existing institutional Christian structures. A painful departure, to be sure, but that was a decade in the past. Since then, I believe I’ve found a place that answers the driving convictions of my faith. That it works so well for me made it worth telling others. That others have since joined me seems to justify sharing it more widely, in that they appear to have found the same sense of peace.

What makes it revolutionary in any sense at all is what holds us together. We are a virtual parish, none of us having ever met in the flesh. It’s about as decentralized as it can be and still retain any sense of community. We’ve adapted to changing human social habits. Instead of grousing about people everywhere having their eyes glued to some electronic device, we strive to understand it and use it. That’s where people are; instead of failing at dragging them back, we take the whole thing into that world.

We also try to understand how it was that the the vitality was stolen away from those first few congregations in the First Century Mediterranean Basin. It’s part of the same robbery we see repeated over the centuries of church history. How did a wholly non-Western religion fall victim to the materialistic orientation of the West? It’s not as if we can go back and reclaim all the trappings of those times, but maybe we can at least discern some essential character that is more wired into human nature itself. So instead of working so hard to define a religion, we aim more at meta-religion. What makes a religion work? If we define “religion” as a human response to some ineffable spiritual drive, can we then capture something from those First Century churches that answers that drive in our context today? Can we make the cynical eye on the mirror normative and not lose track of higher purpose?

I like to believe that it’s possible to treat religion as fungible and discard whatever can’t follow us into tomorrow, and eventually into eternity.

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Not Trendy

I was invited by the secretive and ghostly unnamed party running My Trending Stories to join their stable of writers. I gave them an honest shot, even going so far as writing a first article to post.

But I couldn’t post. I couldn’t even fill out the basic profile. Their site refused to let me post a bio or upload any photos. I informed them, but there was no response. Failure to acknowledge trouble is a very bad sign of unprofessional handling of an operation that pretends to be that big.

Worse, this site prods writers to engage the bogus trendy noise of Facebook, Twitter and other meaningless social crap. Somewhere around my third planned article I would have been directly castigating the management for promoting the very thing you and I know is part of what’s wrong with our world. Yes, they tried to seduce me into moral failure.

A good metaphor would be the difference between Paul using the Roman Roads to travel the empire and spread the gospel, versus trying to join the Roman Army for whom those roads were built. It’s not a question of whether Roman soldiers could find redemption, but it would lead eventually to shedding that uniform one way or another. Paul was beyond that and moving farther.

I don’t fit in the trendy social media uniform, either.

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Depressing Deception

Our declining Western culture is shot through with false dichotomies. Sometimes it’s a prophetic duty to point them out.

We are neither part of the Green religion, nor do we support blind exploitation of natural resources. We believe the heart will tell you about as much as you can ever know about nature, and that we are under no moral obligation to construct a detailed agreement to act in unison. Consensus is enough for fellowship and moral communion among humans and with the natural world around us.

God created for His own ineffable pleasure. We characterize that as “for His glory.” The key to understanding anything is seeking to please God. Whatever bundle of feelings that image provokes in you is a reflection of your own fallen nature. The point is that our fundamental nature as humans is wired and programmed to seek His favor. The subjective experience is part of nature, a part of Creation and tainted by the Fall.

Your own flesh and your conscious awareness are natural resources, too. They exist to use for His glory. The complex of things that pass through your head, in a certain sense, cannot be sorted easily into good and bad, certainly not in any objective sense. There is no objective good and evil; it’s always contextual.

At the same time, we are forced to understand a cultural context that we wish we didn’t have to face. If we don’t keep a hand on the false Western perspective, we can’t speak to those still soaking in it on how to climb out. It’s a painful tension for us to live in our hearts and remember what it felt like to wallow in the pitiful blindness of living only in our heads. There is no miracle cure to take away that tension.

Each of us feels different kinds of sorrow about that. I share with some of you a tendency to depression. Sometimes I’m closer to anger. A part of the blessing here is to realize that feelings are just feelings, neither evil nor good. They can be instructive, serving as clues to meditate for a heart-led step up in holiness. Sometimes it just hurts and there’s nothing to do but wait while doing what you know is right. Faithfulness comes from somewhere beyond even the heart, higher up in the Spirit Realm. The heart’s job is to decide, to commit and keep driving the flesh to live in purity. The actual power is purely divine.

Our cultural mythology doesn’t understand depression. We attack it like some evil, instead of recognizing that it’s part of our natural world. It doesn’t require eradication; it requires careful consideration as to what part it should play. Yes, I know that in some ways depression means feeling nothing at all. It’s a painful lack of vitality. Something inside is dying and we don’t know how to mourn because we don’t even know what it is. Human flesh has no power to deal with that, but the heart is a level of Life that need not be trapped that way.

The heart-mind is not a magic pill. It is a singular potential; nothing else available to us here in this world can match it. It takes a long time to get used to focusing awareness without data, but the heart doesn’t trade much in data; heart-led awareness transcends mere thought. It is an entirely different kind of thing without words.

Depression is the cry of the flesh in precisely the same way that a nasty algae bloom is a cry of nature that something is terribly out of sync with God’s plans for us. Neither is particularly evil, just a part of the natural continuum of consequences for choices within the context of the Fall. It stinks and you don’t want to be around it, but are you going to just leave that mess for someone else? The only evil here is the choice to avoid taking responsibility. We should learn to expect such things, given the context.

A critical element in the Fall is denying it. Whatever redemption is available requires embracing the truth of the Fall. The notion that we shouldn’t have to deal with all the pain is a lie. The notion that we shouldn’t encounter depression is a lie that prevents the most blessed possible solution God has for it. Have you ever noticed that you can be slogging through depression and still touch that joy unspeakable? Your heart knows it’s true.

And if you don’t face depression, count your blessings and keep an eye out for some other painful consequence of the Fall. Either way, we need to stop norming on a happy and pain-free existence, because that image is a lie.

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Political Failure

God reigns and supports no existing political party; He simply uses human political activity to carry out His plans on earth. However, His Law Covenants make it clear that if you want Him to actually bless your political activity, you need to make Him a party to them. And the only way He’ll participate is as Lord over an Eastern feudal setting. In other words, God’s politics are in the family.

It’s not as if families can’t fail. Instead, if there is one social and political structure that stands a chance of God’s approval, it starts with the family, and families work best adhering to ANE feudal customs.

All other political structures always fail. They all bear the seeds of their own destruction. That’s because they all have some kind of goal, some endeavor to change this world. Families don’t need a goal; the family itself is the only cause the matters. But non-family political efforts are inherently flawed in one way or another. You cannot come up with a political dream that isn’t broken and subject to God’s wrath in the long run.

You’ve seen it all before. At the lower end of the scale, someone comes up with a dream to fix something and invite others to get involved. They are the underdogs, up against the system. Those that succeed at all do so only by making a space in the mainstream or by hijacking the mainstream, but sooner or later they become the mainstream. Once they do, they are now forced to defend against some other underdog. The former revolutionaries are now conservative bureaucrats. It’s not about the people, but their relative position in the system.

Families may strive to change their situation, but the purpose is not the change they seek, but the prosperity of the family. Next week might see some other campaign on behalf of the family. And a covenant family is still a family, if the members can truly commit the way families do by instinct.

Have you noticed that way too many churches don’t act like families, but more like political movements?

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More Writing Work? (Busted)

Try as I might, whatever it is I actually do from day to day requires I spend more time in front of a computer than is optimal for human flesh. This is where I serve in the sense of touching humanity with His truth. I joke that I’ll be found dead slumped over my keyboard someday. I no longer love messing with computers, so maybe that signals I’m in the place to get more done with them instead of on them. As we head into the Networking Age, there is nothing I can do to avoid the exposure to the EMF, so what’s left is perhaps mitigation. God knows how much I’d rather do this face to face with humans in meat space.

Somehow this blog has gotten some attention I had not anticipated. Not the trolls; they’ve always been around. I’m referring to some kind online magazine. The person contacting me says it’s based in New York City, and that they hope to begin advertising this site soon. As you might expect I’m a little skeptical, but I suppose it won’t hurt to accept their invitation to submit a couple of articles weekly for awhile to see what happens. They promise it’s not restrictive like the old media would be, and I would surrender neither creative nor copyright control. I’ll be one of many writers, but the site claims to expect a high profile.

But rather than repost stuff from here, I sense this might be a good time to restate what this parish is all about while addressing a somewhat different audience. Looks to me like it’s a far younger audience that already has little loyalty to Western Civilization, but perhaps refined enough to know that is. But when I post something there, I’ll link back here when it’s published.

If you happen to know something about that site, feel free to comment. I haven’t discovered who is behind it because they are masked by GoDaddy and no one else seems to know. At any rate, I’ll let you know how this turns out.

Update: It’s a failure. I’m updating in a separate post.

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