It’s funny how people read their own cultural mythology back into history.
The Old Testament offers sufficient notice women are turned on by studly guys. Hebrew writers also recognized it wasn’t so much a man’s physical qualities as the power of his presence. Some have called it “physical charisma” or “animal magnetism”.
What the Hebrew Scriptures take for granted is a woman suitably impressed with a fellow might not say “no” if he approached her. In other words, it’s not her nature to resist much. So much did those writers take this for granted, they never bothered to mention resistance unless it was germane to the purpose of the narrative.
Only in our silly Post-Victorian Western culture would it seem more natural for a woman to resist. Throughout all of history, in most cultures where such a thing was discussed at all, it was taken for granted a woman could be moved to accept such overtures without a hint of tarring her with the slut brush. It’s the way women are. Sufficient social conditioning can dampen her appearance of willingness, but not her sense of enthusiasm. Only a genuine moral apprehension can change this.
Today’s poachers are successful because at some level, they know all this, and read a woman’s actual feelings. They see through all the pretense and mythology that women aren’t like that. Men who intend to build a stable home life will marry below their own sexual market value (SMV). Chances are good she won’t be much interested in other men when her husband seems relatively studly compared to what she might normally capture. Typically, women who marry men below their SMV are looking for someone they can manipulate and control.
As noted in my story “Pinch Me”, the way to overcome that is to demonstrate a different grade of manhood which creates a moral climate strong enough to claim her loyalty. SMV is not mere looks or charm. It is the man being as manly as possible in the particular fashion possible. Our hero was clearly in control of himself and offered the first measure of stability, strength and safety the gal had ever seen. In effect, he took the time to draw her attention to his true SMV. This is not mere theory; I drew the story from a combination of very real romances to which I have been a witness.
Insofar as a man might pursue a lady, this is what he’s actually doing. The complications make it difficult to explain in soundbites. Yes, it’s always up to the woman to decide if she is interested. In most cases, this happens rather quickly. Most women are more self-aware than Melissa about such things. She was grateful to Greg, and was responding according to her background, but actual interest in him took time. The average woman hasn’t lived such a past, and she is more likely to know what she believes she wants. The common self-deception is of a different grade entirely. Then you still have to wade through whatever social conditions and personality factors prevail in order to read her interest, or lack of it. All of this has to take place within the character folks have at the time, and self-honesty helps guarantee not getting entangled in something which won’t work at all because one or the other put up a false front.
For men already attached, the first thing to do is reevaluate your standing. Only those who have been fully conscious of the dynamics have little room for improvement. Guys, raise your SMV in whatever fashion is open to you. Be more the man you can be, and gain more self-control. Learn to wear your situation with comfort, taking things in stride, facing her weaknesses with aplomb. You can’t change her; only she can do that. You can change yourself and your responses. Only by a fairly strong act of will can you break out of old established patterns. Simply trying will show you are a better man than she thought.
The substance of handling any woman is whatever brand of power you can hold. If nothing else, the very minimum is being mysterious, keeping your mouth shut and avoiding talking about yourself. Don’t bluff unless you already know you are good at it. Dodge questions when you suspect direct answers will weaken your position. Allow false impressions to stand if they are harmless. Only the woman who surrenders to you has earned the privilege of knowing much about you. But however much you can, improve your SMV, which in her eyes is more a matter of power than anything else. It’s a combination of things, and can include as much physical presence as your DNA and workouts can offer, a sharpened intelligence and powers of observation-analysis (in terms of things you can say they didn’t realize you knew), self-control, and learning the difference between civility and slavish etiquette. Don’t beg for her favor; act like it really doesn’t matter to you. Take what she offers, but make sure you neither betray a dependence nor actually suffer from one.
The only man worth having is he who does not need her at all, but wants her anyway.
