Born-Again Idiocy or Why Sectarian Division

Having a powerful spiritual awareness does not automatically redeem the fallen intellect.
I belong to a couple of religious discussion forums. Yes, it’s worth it. Sometimes. Most of the time it’s pretty harmless, not very helpful. Too often it’s repulsive idiocy. I’m including myself in that, because surely feelings are mutual. This is not a matter of who’s right or wrong; I’m trying to explain why there is so much debate among Christians.
Never mind theology. This is purely clinical psychology of religion, from one who walks inside and is fully aware of what outsiders see. The most important fact: We are utterly certain this stuff really matters. Never mind whether you think it does; our religious belief grips us more strongly than mere superstition and sentiment. If you don’t grasp that, there’s no point in reading any farther, pretending you’re going to understand. The content is not what’s at issue, but the power it holds over us.
You will not see me discounting the power of religious belief for any other religion, primarily because I’ve experienced it with my own. Yes, I could share with you the flaws I see in every system I don’t already accept, but I see flaws in my own in-groups, too. And if you’ve read here much, you know I can see my own face of folly in the mirror, as well. I don’t take myself that seriously.
Far too many Christians do take themselves too seriously. But that’s only one problem. Even most of my fellow born-again believers suffer from a blindness to their own cultural mythology. I’ve pounded that pulpit here often enough, but I’m offering a clinical explanation why sectarian division is utterly natural. I’m assuming you understand religion is ubiquitous in humans, in part because everyone has the ability to seize upon something which seems to help them face the world, such that even rejecting all religion is itself a matter of faith — a commitment to things for which there is no obvious concrete proof. (Logic alone is not proof in that sense.) This is part of the clinical lore, a necessity for understanding humans at large.
Getting as close as I can to clinical terms, whatever takes place in the spirit of a person is separate from the intellect. The whole point of religious community is bridging that gap. Nor does religious experience remove character and personality. It will most certainly reverse some bad traits, because those traits were good ones turned inside out. I’ll leave it up to you to discern which way is which, but most of us know what we like about how some folks treat us, and what we don’t like about other treatment. A religious conversion does not sweep all that away. On purely psychological grounds, even the most dramatic conversions only cover a certain amount of the soul. A solid biblical example would be Saul of Tarsus (AKA, Apostle Paul). He surrendered fully to his new understanding of God, but spent no less than three years exerting full effort to reconsidering everything he had learned in light of this change. He had to rewrite his entire PhD education.
Over the centuries since that day, a certain amount of mythology Saul discarded crept back into those whom he tried to teach this new religion. In relative terms to outsiders, the whole debate was some pretty narrow hair-splitting differences between Judaism and Christianity, if all you see is trappings of religion. The real difference is not readily apparent, largely because it works in places where human language doesn’t. Any genuine transforming experience of any religion tends to exceed the capacity for verbal explanation. Heck, even falling in love does that. So most of the religions of the world recognize the importance of parabolic and symbolic language. The real difference is not in the symbols, but in what they come to mean at that non-verbal level. What Paul was fighting, clinically, was dragging people back into a form of religious expression which interfered with genuine progress.
On human terms, he lost that battle to a large degree. The majority of Christians today suffer from some measure of hypocrisy on the same terms Jesus meant it in reference to the Jewish religious leaders — claiming to be the sole representatives of God while fighting His plainly stated purposes. While Paul’s former work as enforcer was no longer an option to those he abandoned, his former team mates found even more effective ways of recapturing those who fled the reservation. If someone was going to claim the name of their God, it was necessary to force them to use it properly, so Gentiles who claimed Christ had to become Jews, because it was not possible to make them stop using the Jewish God’s name. They sent out some very talented and charismatic preachers, against Paul’s notorious lack of such talent, highly schooled in rhetoric and verbal manipulation. But in some sense, they succeeded only partially.
That is, what they managed to shoehorn back into the churches was not so much of Jewish religious assertions, but the same epistemological corruption which caused them to leave behind their own ancient Hebrew roots. Rather than repeat all that means here, let’s just notice the clinical effects. That same disputatious nature of doing religion took over the churches. Whatever normal human variabilities those new Christians carried into their new religious was magnified by the additional religious belief intellectual details mattered. Read the New Testament narratives from the viewpoint of a scholar of Antiquities, and you can see what Paul and his fellow Apostles asserted was a very narrow selection of orthodoxies compared to the stuffy Scholasticism just a few centuries later. Further, the original New Testament teachings were intentionally imprecise and largely parabolic, versus the heavy duty systematic theology of later times.
Lest it sound like I’m trying to justify my own brand of Christianity against all others, I ask you to notice this one thing: When any religion relies too much on intellectual processes, you get more and deeper controversies over what constitutes orthodoxy. The question is spirit versus intellect, a distinction clearly visible in clinical psychology. To the degree questions are cerebral, they must of necessity give rise to conflict as the natural expression of human variability. If you are one of those Utopians who insist humanity can be made uniform by careful management, such a religious assertion is part of that problem. No two of us could possibly think alike; not even monozygotic twins do that. It’s not religion itself which puts men at war, but human nature using religion as an excuse.
When you see religious infighting and sectarian divisions, that’s just human nature at it’s finest. It really is no reflection on the religion itself. Whatever justification any Christian uses for following one sectarian path or another, even when they claim it’s “the original” path, it’s not the result of spiritual experience. All of that comes too easily when there is no spiritual experience at all. Thus, I am hardly surprised when someone, who may well have experienced the same spiritual transformation, clings to some of the most alien ideas I’ve ever seen. Having to face that sort of tiresome crotchety pontification is, unfortunately, par for the course. Frankly, it’s bad religion to expect otherwise.
For much the same reason we do it in secular things, I have to wade through a lot of sewage to find nuggets of gold in religious discourse and discussion.

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When Nice Is Wrong

He couldn’t think. There was an awful lot of noise in his head as he sprawled on his back. That back-elbow blow was vicious. Finally it all slowed down a bit as felt to see if any part of his face was broken. “Why the hell did you hit me? I’m not your enemy!”
The man who punched his lights out had already turned his back and started walking away. It was only later when he found his assailant in a better mood, sweeping the storage area. “Is it safe, now?”
“Your sarcasm is duly noted. Safety is always relative, but I’m not likely to punch your lights out again.” He said all this without a hint of humor, a total lack of emotion.
“Why’d you do that? I was just trying to get you to calm down.”
“Who are you to decide when my emotions aren’t allowed to boil over? Someone did their very best to provoke me and it worked.” His utter lack of emotion at the moment was almost jarring.
“But you shouldn’t let them get to you that way.”
“In due time, they won’t. But my feelings are my business. I was doing quite well until you decided to horn in.” He didn’t even look up from sweeping.
“I just wanted…”
The broom froze in mid-air as he snapped his gaze toward the man whose right eye was just starting to swell. “You wanted! What about what I wanted? Did it not occur to you the one thing I needed most was time and solitude? That your attempt to control how I was feeling was an even worse attack, a bigger insult, than what those idiots did?”
He had no answer.

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Spring Cleaning of the Soul

Eternity hopes you’ll spring.
Being jumpy isn’t so good, but being ready to jump is. During my military service I never had a chance to experience a static line parachute drop. Let’s pretend someone decided I should do this, and provided the means. Would I? Of course. I’m crazy enough to try almost anything.
It’s not so much I’m brave, but I just don’t care about the consequences in comparison to the opportunity. There’s a risk something could go wrong and I’d get hurt or die. Getting hurt is hardly new, and dying is just a circumstance, as I view it.
Right now you can get some really good aerial surveillance equipment cheaply. Anyone can. A remote controlled helicopter with a decent video camera is less than $200 now, and the the price is plummeting. It’s not just government agencies, but commercial entities and all sorts of idiots are buying or building these things.
You probably already know about the ways you can be tracked online. Maybe you know it’s possible to use off-the-shelf equipment to track just about any cellphone number, though I realize the expertise is not yet common. The point is, anyone can do it if they want to learn and pay for the equipment. The price of this is also plummeting, and the threshold of expertise, as well.
Indeed, competence and interest is about the only thing preventing everyone and his dog keeping track of you or I. There was a time just a few years ago competence and interest kept most folks off the Internet, but now Facebook is approaching one billion members. That’s about one for every seven humans on this planet. Factor out the non-individual accounts and it’s more like one in eight. It is now the primary means of checking on anyone, since so many people likely to draw such attention happen to have an account there.
That’s not the reason I avoid Facebook; it’s because the folks running that thing are themselves filthy scumbag liars. Primarily, they lie about what they offer, and what they’ll do to change what they offer. They do all sorts of things they know will hurt you and try to keep you from knowing about it. Whatever good they might claim to bring is utterly spoiled by their psychopathic treatment of users. There are enough psychopaths in my life already. It’s not fear but a powerful sense of annoyance.
My privacy was compromised long ago when I signed that enlistment contract. But you can limit the encroachment of global surveillance, for now. The primary limitation is the number of people doing surveillance, and their capacity to process all the data. From what I’ve seen, you’d have to be viewed a pretty serious threat to warrant a genuine effort with any degree of competence. Most of us simply don’t count for much, but as capacity to automate these things rises, the threshold will plummet. You can be nobody doing nothing at all and still be under surveillance.
The best defense is stop caring. There’s not much you can do to stop it, and it gives rise to an awful lot of opportunity to entertain ourselves. Be creative; be a distraction and put on a good show, doing something totally off-the-wall, out of character. Even if all you do is post something online with some the surveillance terms — “human to animal,” “collapse,” “outbreak,” and “illegal immigrants” — and do it persistently to mock them, it’s worth polluting the system just for the entertainment value. You can’t change what other people do, but you have a perfect right to claim all the humor they refuse to enjoy.
The other important factor is making sure you know what you are doing is completely good and right by your own internal value system. Neurosis is any number of layers between your conscious mind and self-honesty. You are the only one who can change you, at least in the sense you have to first identify things you don’t like before you can decide whether they can be fixed. Some things you just have to live with, but plenty of things moulder in the basement unexamined.
Under current rules and laws, I could never go back into the military. I’m hardly the kind of journalist or VIP who would be invited to come play so I can give them good PR. With my arthritis and permanent injuries, versus my current efforts to remain as fit as this aging abused body can be, I probably don’t qualify physically for such fun. But I would go in a heartbeat, and it’s about the same for a lot of other unlikely things. Then again, I go down into my soul’s basement pretty often and keep it swept clean. Judging by the number of people who suffer obvious neuroses, that must be one of the most courageous things we can do. So They can surveil as much as they like, because I can’t allow such things to affect my behavior; I’ve got plenty of internal drives to satisfy.
It’s not that I don’t care about the world. Following my conscience and convictions is, by definition, in the best interest of everyone.

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Blowing in the Wind or Blowing the Whistle

I’ve blown the whistle at times, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Try to understand, I wish harm to no one. At one time I suffered a bit of self-righteous pique, but it went away quickly enough. I really no longer care much what happens to folks I might expose; it’s not about them and it’s not about me. It’s about the facts.
Living the way I do right now, there is hardly anything to which I’m privy and worthy of exposure. But I walk the talk; if you dare to ask, I would expose my entire personal history. Memory fails me on some things, but I’m pretty good at recalling my failures. There are skeletons, but not hidden in closets. I’m willing to bet it would bore you to tears, but I’d tell all to anyone who asks. I believe that justifies my eagerness to help others expose their skeletons, whether they like it or not.
From time to time I try to point out less specific things I discover hiding in closets. My crusade against cultural mythology is more like painting the elephant day-glow pink and green. The only reason people don’t already notice the elephant is because it’s been there too long. They’ve lost the sense it doesn’t belong there. Someday the floor will collapse.
Sometimes I try to find more concrete examples. The Syrian government restricts foreign reporters. Sure, their own reporters keep painting a smiley face on stuff, but the foreign reporters lie blatantly. It’s one thing to have a difference of opinion about conflicts raging. It’s altogether a different thing when someone sees nothing at all, then describes a blood bath. Most of the foreign reporters in Syria are telling lies they know are lies. Some of those reporters are literally hired and paid by the CIA/Mossad terrorists whom the Syrian government is actually fighting. But my noting this isn’t whistle blowing, because I’m not there to present concrete evidence, forced as I am to rely on more honest reports from people with a far better track record.
Of course, that’s not the same thing as folks who are all wrapped up in mere facts. They have their place, but far too many of them seem to miss the really important stuff. They seem to enjoy that whistle just a little too much. There’s no particular thrill in blowing the whistle unless you are just about as morally weak as the folks you target for this treatment. The emotional rush becomes the reason, more important than the facts. Yeah, like “investigative reporters” who sell stuff to the MSM. Anything to distract you from the important stuff actually coming to hurt you.
Not that you could do much about it, but something in the human soul is radically different when it makes truth a priority. This is something which connects us to things far bigger than ourselves. I can’t even allege it makes life worth living in any sense you recognize. Yet, when I find folks really interested in truth, even if they have trouble finding it, they seem so completely different from the rest of the human race, I can’t just ignore them. It seems they return the favor if they have time.
This is the audience for whom I would blow any whistles. They’d understand what it’s about, and not run off shouting and screaming as if the house was on fire. We can’t stop the screamers from doing what they do, but we can put our fingers in our ears, offer a knowing wink and nod to each other, then decide for ourselves how to respond, if at all. We are not team players, and we don’t really like the us-versus-them nonsense. Each of us could offer our own list of reasons for avoiding the herds, but the real reason is the herds never gather where we are. For which we are grateful.
My mission in chasing truth sometimes means I’m passing through the herd, blowing that whistle which is mostly inaudible to folks who can’t be made to care. Anyone who perks up marks themselves as perhaps needing a little more truth, and I try to lead them out of the herd. Seems to work often enough I keep doing it.
So while the folks who proudly call themselves “whistleblower” are fighting for the limelight, I’m just looking for a pair of bright eyes.

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Paying Tribute

It’s one thing to recognize contributions for which you owe a debt of gratitude for the good things people have added to your life. It’s an altogether different thing when someone makes your life possible. There is one fellow out there who owns a piece of my soul. When God ends all things and we stand before Him, everything likely to show up on God’s record of my life will always go partially to the credit of this one man.
Reverend Thomas Duncan never bothered with getting a degree. His mission in life hardly required one. There were three periods in my life when I spent any significant time with him. The one which matters most was quite early.
Sometime around age 7 I passed through the Baptist conversion ritual. Baptists don’t like calling it a ritual, but it doesn’t vary across the entire world where such churches exist. I recall the ritual, but nothing of the discussion which was supposed to justify the ritual. Among the frequent moves we made when I was young, I turned age 9 at Purcell, OK. We attended Union Hill Baptist Church outside of town, and Tom was called as pastor that year.
It was because Tom was the kind of man he was, that his wife was the kind of woman she was. It was she who recognized my youthful turmoil was not merely typical kid stuff, but meant something. It was she who with a single sentence led me to reach out and touch the Spirit Realm which called me. She skipped all that conversion talk and offered what little could help. Subsequently, it was Tom who taught me how to do business in that realm.
He didn’t try to teach me that. No one can. It’s not taught, but caught. Indeed, most of what he tried to teach me never stuck, because it really didn’t matter. Precious few of our conversations were memorable. What was memorable was the way he operated hard-wired to Heaven. All his flaws and limitations had no bearing on what he accomplished, because his vital energy and peculiar sense of what was important did all the work. The things he could tell me were simply his own peculiar intellectual grasp, but he was one of the precious few who seemed comfortable with God looking over his shoulder.
So at the tender age of 9 I caught it. Nothing was ever the same. From that time forward, I remained sensitive to the Spirit Realm. I was flatly incapable of ignoring it. My conduct was always in check.
There are plenty of secret scars on my soul, things which were quite awful when measured internally by the standards of the Spirit. But I defy you to find evidence by which I actively, intentionally harmed anyone else. For this, I owe much tribute to Brother Tom. A genuine spiritual awakening will tend to restrain self-interest, and put the focus on something much bigger than yourself. In religious language, you hunger for holiness more than anything else. Tom was that kind of man himself, and it branded my soul for life.
There are no words of thanks adequate for such a gift.

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Game Frame and Casual Social Encounters

I stood in front of the bookshelf at the thrift store, letting my gaze wander over the random titles. A fellow next to me crossed in front of me, offering the typical, “excuse me.”
My response was, “You’re okay.” Then I followed up with a very clichéd, “I can see right through you, man.” He laughed heartily and walked on down the aisle.
It was his choice. I engaged him with my standard personality response, clowning. It was my mission to make a kind of love offering, telling him he was significant, a human in my eyes worthy of at least that much effort. There was no desperate need in my approach, but no dismissal, either.
Being needy is a social disaster. It destroys everything in this world you could hope to build or achieve. I don’t need your approval; I am my own man. I have my mission from God and I will assume you have yours. Prove me wrong, but I will avoid proving anything at all, if I can.
Needy people would seize upon me in such encounters and unload everything in their minds, which tends to an awful lot. I take that risk. Most will simply take what I offered, as the man mentioned above did, and move on with one more smile than they had before. A rare few would be intrigued enough to actually respond with some limited offer of fellowship. Thus, I engage my world and offer what little I have, and grow from whatever response I get.
It’s possible you feel compelled to avoid human contact. That’s a hard row to hoe, but for some, it’s the best they can do. Then do it right, and carry an air of strength, not hiding in weakness. Do it right, and even being aloof and superior can make the world a brighter place.
The worst thing you can do is surrender in any way. Examples from a man’s point of view adaptations for women:
1a. Some hot babe wearing entirely too little shows it off, and you can’t take your eyes from her. You’ve already lost. If you must, take one good look, just a second or two, then deliberately look away and avoid becoming absorbed. If you stare, she dominates you, and may try to take advantage of you. Of course, if you enjoy being that kind of loser, no one can help you. (Note: If she really wants you, your aloofness will only make her more eager. Otherwise, whatever else it is she wants, you won’t enjoy it in the long run. In my case, women who put on this sort of display are already disqualified for my attention.)
1b. Ladies, if he’s hot and flirts, he’s a predator. If he’s hotter than you by any measure, the best you can hope for is abuse. Don’t smile at all; turn away and ignore him.
2a. Someone bears a strong visual affinity (dresses like you, etc.) and you quickly become engaged in insider chatter. In the process, do not engage in soul-baring. Yes, there is a time and place to share your sorrows, but this isn’t it. Listen; it’s the best gift you can give. Be reticent while friendly, letting them be the weak and needy one. You can’t stop needing, but you can stop displaying it and surrendering. Stop talking about yourself because it’s not about you.
2b. Women who chatter too much in girl talk are grasping at any strength in numbers advantage. The woman who can avoid being sucked into this is always more desirable to men, and very competitive against other women. While the other gals may take this as a personal insult, they’ll still wish they were like you.
3a. Some not-so-hot gal attempts to engage you in conversation. If she starts asking questions aimed at pinning you down in one political/social category or another, be evasive. Do this even if you happen to agree. Learn how to answer without content, or ask questions in reply. Start with, “Why would you want to know that?” Force her to reveal her biases and demands. Be civil, but don’t allow her to maneuver you into any pre-defined pockets. Come up with answers totally off-the-wall. It’s not a matter of winning her affections — you may well do so — but to practice dominance even when it doesn’t matter. That’s because, in the long run, it always matters.
3b. When a guy pulls this stunt with a woman, it’s more likely he’ll try to find out where she is and chase her there. Ladies, if you offer no definitive answers, he can’t pretend to be on your side. Losers think being your friend is the best way to get closer romantically. Don’t even smile, unless you intend to bite. Of course, if you are a barracuda, these guys are begging to be misled, manipulated and abused.
Fundamentally, it’s really not about dominance, but freedom. Don’t be ruled by others when you can avoid it. The problem is, human nature being what it is, the vast majority of the human race insists on operating in comparative terms. Thus, by insisting on freedom, you take dominance in their eyes. Given almost all humanity wants things measured in such terms, give them what they demand on that point — dominate where you can’t disengage.
In the vast majority of casual encounters, no real content can be exchanged directly. You first have to establish the right to speak. It won’t matter what your message is; you still have to get an ear. You still have to speak the language, which invariably includes measures of dominance. You cannot possibly avoid the underlying sexual dynamics; humans are hard-wired to operate with such a consideration, even if unconsciously. Best to be conscious of it and stop pretending it has no effect.
Men admire and cooperate with dominant men. Precious few will feel threatened; let them make a fool of themselves. When they become violent and hostile, they actually lose some measure of dominance, displaying insecurity. Few love what they fear. Need I explain you can take a beating and still win dominance? Women are actually more likely to be hostile, but less overtly, when one of their own displays feminine dominance. Still, the admiration is there in the form of envy, because women are not men. There are inevitable differences between the sexes on how this works out. With men it’s a question of “what” and with women it’s “whom.” A dominant male is focused on his mission and doesn’t really need anyone, but knows when he’s found someone worth holding. A dominant woman knows whom (what kind of man) she needs and how to get his attention.
Most of life is playing off those factors even when they aren’t directly pertinent.

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Fake Personality Inventories

Any personality inventory which forces you to make a false choice, or excludes your real choices, is fake — not just useless, but dangerous.
One of the things I learned under Dr. Tom Yarbrough’s tutelage was never trust personality inventories. To this day, it seems everyone swears by the Myers-Briggs personality type test. We were shown some of the background of how this test was constructed, along with several others. In our single class, we found a significant minority felt excluded by the test. I am one of them. The unspeakable arrogance of those who write and use such tests, when you tell them you find certain questions unacceptable, is simply amazing. No, you do not have to settle for one of whatever answers are offered; stop the test and walk away.
It’s as if you aren’t permitted to be different. In reality, the people who develop these things are not the least bit interested in knowledge, but control. They are forcing the whole world to fit into their neat little categories. When you find as many as three questions wrong for you, the whole thing is broken. Their model of human behavior becomes no better than a conversational working model, and it’s not serious science any more.
Granted, the whole point here is helping people to understand the very limits of any such testing. Regardless how widely it may be accepted, it says more about the folks using it than it does the people tested. It helps to indicate how unwilling they are to actually think about what makes people tick. If they use something so completely acceptable to everyone else in the same business, it becomes an excuse to avoid self-examination.
We who sincerely wish to help other folks find some measure of peaceful negotiation with the world in which they live should never forget our limitations. I can only help you with those things I understand. If I admit up front to the limitations of my abilities, you won’t be suckered into making me some kind of guru. I become just a friend who views the world from a different perspective, and can broaden your options when you make a decision. The whole point is enabling a decision to act in one way or another, and you feeling better about the choice.
Fundamental to the counseling field is helping people bring themselves closer to reality, or to something identified as normal. At the very least, we should be helping folks understand realistically the cause and effect of choices they make. If you do this, you should expect others to respond with that. When the model by which we seek to establish what’s normal, or at least what’s common, is broken, we can’t offer so much help. If we who offer help understand we have limits, we can be honest and send you elsewhere when your needs exceed our ability to help. When we construct highly involved frameworks for this work, and forget it doesn’t include every single person we encounter, we are breeding our own form of blindness to reality.
There is a small move in the field of counseling psychology which finds less is more. That is, instead of attempting to answer all your questions, we offer just the bare minimum to help you answer the very biggest problem you have at one time. Instead of pretending we are experts with all the answers to the world’s ills, we humbly insist we can’t really answer our own all the time. But what we do have, we offer. We have a wide body of evidence you can work out most of your own answers with a very minimum of pointing out things you would not think of on your own. We have noticed, given some time, most people come up with a pretty good answer. Counseling consists of guiding you to actually think it through with your best capabilities, without cheating yourself. Once that single worst blind spot is exposed, that job is done.
We don’t want you dependent on anyone who is clearly not big enough to carry you. That would be any human counselor alive on this earth. That includes the geniuses who came up with all those wonderful personality assessments, and insist your answers which don’t fit in their neat little matrix are simply not important. Again, if there are a hundred questions and you find three which don’t fit your reality, that assessment will not help you. The whole thing is broken and pointless, at best. It will create an image of you which is false enough to miss your needs, and runs the risk of misguiding you for a very long time afterward. You trade one false reality for another.
You are in charge of your own counseling. The most powerful moral force on this earth is someone voluntarily doing the right thing. If something inside you needs to keep bouncing off brick walls until you are ready to stop the pain, then I should be willing to wait. If, in the process, you keep hurting others, then maybe I need to find a way to help others stay out of your way, or maybe even force you to find other brick walls to bounce off, but there are always distinct limits to what I can do or should try to do. Yet, even if what I say causes a reaction, a rejection, which then puts you in a better place, I call that success. I am hardly the final judge of success, when the whole cause for you coming in the first place was pain. However you find peace, that’s the best hope I can have.
Don’t let anyone ignore your reality and pretend to have all the answers you need.

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Game and Frame of Reference

The fundamental issue for a man is dominance in his own world.
Something in the bigger picture of my college education made me understand something few of my peers would even accept, much less understand. This was the overwhelming necessity of ignoring whether a gal was fun and exciting to me, and considering whether she was as committed to my mission as I was. Benighted as I was, not really knowing what my mission was, I most certainly knew that my mission was I knew whomever I married would first and foremost have to be burning with a desire to serve the same religious calling.
And I knew beyond all doubt a solid romantic attachment would follow in due time. That was my secret weapon, so to speak. I wanted to avoid that emotional intoxication (cathexis) which leads so many people in the wrong path, and destroys more marriages than it builds. It’s not about love and romance, but partnership. It’s human nature; that other stuff takes care of itself if you pay attention to what really matters. It did.
I intentionally married someone with a slightly lower sexual market value (SMV). Not that I was the pick of the litter by any means, but I knew hotter gals had reached out to me, and what they had in mind was something entirely different than what I knew I had to do. What mattered most was that sense of divine calling, and I found someone convinced of that herself. She was cute enough, but that really wasn’t much of a consideration. Now, nearly 35 years later we still have a roaring hot romance, and she’s my best friend. We never betrayed each other’s trust, either. This is how it was supposed to work, so I’m proof it can.
There is a considerable amount of Game lore which fills out the details, but the fundamental issue remains one of the man’s dominance. Whenever I’m asked to counsel, I ask questions which help me understand the relative SMV and how each perceives that. With women, my primary effort is getting her to see she and her husband are partners first, and lovers second. Then I help her see ways she stop turning her guns on him and start targeting the outside world, which is the biggest threat they face, otherwise. She has to get some serenity — accepting the things which cannot be changed by either of them, and taking charge of those she can and should fix.
For him, it’s building dominance. If he has it, she will always respond and be less trouble. The form of dominance depends a lot on her and him and the chemistry. But often it’s a combination of helping him raise his SMV — physical fitness, developing a sense of self-assurance, etc. There will always be limits, but he needs to take it as far as it can go. But all of that means nothing, if they don’t have a unified sense of mission.
Very often the biggest barrier there is lack of clarity about convictions and how they work, how your conscience is merely your intellect’s interpretation of your convictions. Convictions in themselves are too subtle, too substantial, and too ineffable to be so easily described. Your conscience will shift as you get a better connection to your convictions. Convictions are best seen as more durable than your life. Once I get a man to grasp his identity is best understood in light of his character and convictions, the self-assurance tends to come naturally. He needs to be at home with himself.
The corollary to this is aplomb. The man hard to stir is the man who remains dominant. Granted, my being a clown offers the same effect. That is, whatever I tend to be all the time hardly changes when the conditions bounce off track. My way of handling tension and lack of tension is pretty much the same — I don’t take myself that seriously. That’s because it’s not about me, but it’s about the mission. Other men exhibit disentanglement in other ways, but failure to engage is simply not an option. You engage, but when the world is crazy, you remain who and what you were before. Same thing when she gets crazy, too.
It’s quite unlikely she won’t. She’s a woman, and her impulses are more variable than yours. That’s what makes her so interesting. Let her have everything she asks, so long as you know it won’t affect the mission, which includes your dominance. Draw firm lines and when she tries to seize the steering wheel, you have to break her grip or stop the ride. You can’t force her back on course, but you can refuse to be drawn off yours. Whatever it takes to keep from handing her too much control of the wrong thing is what you have to do.
That includes not putting her on a pedestal. Don’t give her the privilege of being the center. The mission is the center, and you hover over it closely. All the attention goes to the mission, and you honestly report to her how she’s doing as your partner. Don’t praise her for simply being a woman, nor for simply being involved. Praise her genuinely for accomplishments along the path of improvement, and for trying. Let her know honestly when you are disappointed. Obviously, you’ll have to learn the art of communicating to her so she can hear what you say, and not get lost in the subtexts of her own mind. Her security rests entirely in her commitment to the mission, not in any other thing.
Meanwhile, be sensitive to her feelings, even when you can’t do anything about them. She’s the only one who can make her happy. That you notice shows engagement, and if you can learn the art, strive to meet her where she is in her feelings. Lift her when she’s weak, reassure her when she’s feeling insecure, and remind her often you are so glad she’s on your side. But don’t ever accept responsibility for how she feels. You’ll screw up, for sure, but that’s being human, and you can apologize pointedly for the real mistake without groveling. You can clean up your messes without losing your authority. She must be able to depend on you for a solid consistency. She is dependent; you are reliable.
Strive to adhere to the fundamental truth: You could do without her, but you’d rather not.

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Paying Dues

The only reason to celebrate those who’ve touched your life is because that touch made things work a lot better.
Whatever else goes on in my life, I always know what I have to do. There may be some moments where I juggle the options, but only so long as it takes for all but one of them to drop and break. It won’t matter what crazy crap the world tosses at me, I’m ready.
I got that way due in large part to a bunch of people who contributed to the process. As regards my intellectual development, three names loom yet large in my mind from my time at Oklahoma Baptist University (1974-1978). So far as I know, the first on the list is the only one still living, but their contribution lives on in me, and surely others in this world.
Dr. Robert Clarke, Philosophy: Not just the history of philosophers, but logic and the art of thinking itself. He also awakened me to Ancient Hebrew epistemology. We were on the same wavelength from the start. Admittedly, most of what I learned from him was packed away into my subconscious, because my intellect was simply not up to it in those days. Yet over the years I keep stumbling across some long-forgotten understanding he managed to bury in my head, rising up from the depths in his voice, with his face and dynamic delivery.
Dr. Rowena Strickland, Bible: She was the only professor in the Religion Department who actually understand the Book. Shocking it may be, but at a Southern Baptist college, all the other professors tried to tear away whole chunks in naked disbelief. She showed me I could trust the Book. I still don’t understand how this scrawny little old lady managed to keep a bunch of rowdy Baptist preacher boys in check without once calling into question anyone’s manhood. She managed to cling to the biblical image of womanhood and still shot holes in a bunch of silly mythology. She understood the whole genesis of the Dispensationalist delusion, watched that heresy rise during her tenure, and crushed it intellectually. Oh, and she was one the first few women to get a ThD from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and her thesis covering the Messianic Expectations of the First Century Jewish scholars has only been confirmed repeatedly since then (explains the source of the Zionist heresy).
Dr. Tom Yarbrough, Psychology: A professional clinical psychologist, he showed us in a single course how to integrate clinical studies of human behavior with ineffable spiritual realities. He was able to explain unmistakable clinical symptoms of genuine spiritual change. Just our one class of students walked away forever changed by his ability to integrate the two in our understanding. No one else I’ve heard or read has ever come close.
Because of them I understand this world is a prison, death is my friend, yet suicide would be utterly stupid. Had I taken any other path but the high road of personal denial these three made possible, I’d have died in shame long ago.

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Chasing That Uneasy Feeling

Neurosis is a layer of denial trying to hide from yourself some legitimate suffering or unease.
I’ve had an uneasy feeling the past couple of days. At the time, the only thing I faced consciously was my first chance to teach a bit at the church I attend. Because I already know I’m the most alien man in the place, I wasn’t sure if I would be embraced, ignored or run out the door. At least the last of those didn’t happen, yet. But upon reflection I discovered this wasn’t really the issue in the first place.
I’m very uneasy from a source over the horizon of conscious intellect. It’s the sort of thing like the Kony business in Uganda. Funny how the MSM notes there are differences of opinion about that video making the rounds virally, but stops short of reporting the contentions of the opposition to the message of Kony 2012. Since when did the US decide Uganda mattered? When oil was discovered. And the organization behind Kony 2012 is almost surely a CIA front. And Kony hasn’t been in Uganda in six years, but we gotta send troops to Uganda.
And I have to wonder if the ruling elite here aren’t just a little angry that Kony seems to be poaching from their pool of children for rape (shades of Franklin and Dutroux). The elites never did appreciate competition. Hint: A certain Senator from a certain state is all wrapped up in Uganda just like he’s in Monsanto’s pockets and is a member of “The Family” — which is just as bad as the Mafia, but a totally different flavor. They advertise their conservative Christianity, of course. Too many Okies are in this, and it makes me just a bit edgy.
As if that’s not bad enough, something tells me we already have lots of military people running around inside Syria. I don’t mean a handful of CIA/Mossad provocateurs, but serious military covert action with pretty large units — boots on the ground, as they say. I’m just a bit on edge waiting to see what, if any part of that, will be officially admitted. They never did admit we had troops in Libya until it was supposed to be over, then said they were “contractors.”
I’m not one to shy away from internal conflicts. Internal peace means more to me than just about anything, so I’ll gladly open myself up for radical changes if that’s what it takes. But as I kept chasing this ghost in my own conscience, I ran across some stories about Kony and Syria, and suddenly the ghost came into the light. It wasn’t me. It will probably affect me, since so much of it is rooted here where I live, but it’s not from me. The part which makes me ill at ease is knowing for once, someone else is making a huge mess, but I’ll still have to help clean it up.
I almost forgot to mention the only problem I face at church is the high likelihood some members there are solid supporters of all this warfare madness. I’m wondering if my different viewpoint will become fodder for some unpleasant words, or worse, and I’ll be forced to look elsewhere for fellowship once again.
Beware the Ides of March.

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