Trail: Off Limits

If it were simply the decision of some external authority, I might find a way around it. No, the trail is off limits for very concrete reasons.

I went for a run yesterday on the trail. I wore some standard athletic shorts made of nylon, I suppose in the style of basketball stuff. This was not a simple jog, but a moderately paced run. Shortly after I got home, a tick crawled across my leg.

These are big, reddish-brown deer ticks. They apparently don’t like me, because I’ve found several on me in the last month or so, after the weather here warmed up a bit while working in the woods. Not one has embedded in my skin, or I’d have felt it. However, that I got one on me while running indicates just how thick they are. This is one very bad year we are in, and they are thicker than mosquitoes over a stagnant pond.

If it were just getting one or two on me, that would be no big deal. But they hitch a ride home, where they can hide in the carpet or furniture. Then they’ll find other victims more to their liking. They’ll feed, and breed, and multiply and take over the house. Can’t have that.

So, with big sadness, I say goodbye to my trail until cold weather returns. The work isn’t exactly all wasted, but it’s certainly a diminished return on investment.

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Linux Migration for the Home PC User, Part 3

Part 1 and Part 2

At this point, if you have experienced help on hand, or you are willing to study the issues for yourself, you really don’t need any more help from me. What follows are simply my personal suggestions which should allow you to get from here to there the quickest way possible. That said, there is just one more issue to consider before we start the installation: Do you want to keep Windows? If your hard drive is big enough, chances are the installer software will offer to let you keep your Windows installation and let it live on its own space. That way, you can always run Windows if you really need it. It shouldn’t hurt anything to keep it, but if you do, make sure you run Windows Defrag first.

Installation notes: As you follow the steps through the installation process, most of the time you can accept simply what is offered. There are a couple of places where you probably should not do that, or you might be puzzled, and this is what we will cover here. I refer you again to the visual walk-through we looked at previously.

Partition: Linux typically needs a place on your hard drive to store all the data, and another space for swapping. When you get to the partition screen, chances are good you can simply reveiw what is offered and accept it. Change it only if you’ve studied the issues invovled.

Network: On the screen which has “Network Devices” at the top, what you do depends on how you access the Internet. If it’s a dialup modem which Linux knows how to use, you’ll be offered the standard blocks to fill in; this is probably one of the places where you might face a little trouble, but your particular brand of modem is something you should have researched already. Still, it could fail and the installer won’t see it. If so, I recommend you stop here, abort the installation, and contact someone who knows Linux and modems about what to do. Unfortunately, it may require you get a different modem.

For those of you using DSL, cable, or most other types of networking via an ethernet port, there is little you’ll need to worry about. If you know you have to set some information here, have it on hand before you start. You might check with your Internet Service Provider (ISP), but many of them won’t help you. Most of the time, just accept the default answers and keep going.

Timezone: Linux does this a little differently. Make sure to un-check the box which says “System clock uses UTC” unless you know for sure you do use it. For timezone, at least in the US, you choose the nearest city from the list in your time zone:

  • Eastern = America/New York
  • Central = America/Chicago
  • Mountain = America/Denver
  • Pacific = America/Los Angeles

For those few places in the US which don’t follow that pattern, you’ll probably recognize which name on the list matches your zone.

Root password: This is the same thing as “superuser,” the master of the computer. By now you should understand there is virtually no reason at all you’ll spend much time logged in as root. You’ll need the password to make administrative changes to the system, but otherwise always run as a user. You will set up that account later.

Software sets: The next screen will offer you several options as “desktop.” Just accept “Desktop Gnome” and click the box for “Packages from CentOS Extra”. It will pop up a window asking to confirm your network settings, simply because a lot of businesses install stuff on a computer in one place, them move it to another place with different settings. This should not apply to you, so just click “OK”.

Desktop Environment: Just accept the default GNOME and keep going.

After a couple more screens, it will begin the actual installation and you can take a break. It won’t need your attention for a while, until it’s time to reboot. At that point, everything is on the hard drive, and there’s some more set up and configuration to do, but it has to be done while running Linux. Reboot, and watch the pretty colors.

Firewall: Unselect everything, unless you know why you need to keep something on that list.

SELinux: Select “Disabled” — you just don’t need this. It will complain by popping up a box to tell you it has to “relabel” the system. That will come later, and you don’t need to do anything special.

Date and Time: After you set the first page, click the second tab marked “Network Time Protocol.” Unless you are on dialup, this is handy to have working. Just click the box “Enable Network Time Protocol” and accept the defaults.

Create User: This is your day-to-day user account. For the block marked “Username” this is typically a 2-4 letter nickname or abbreviation. It’s no secret mine is my initials, jeh. Type twice the password you created earlier and move on.

Sound Card: If the installer finds one it recognizes, it will allow you to test it here. If not, you may need some help getting things to work. On occasion it will find it, but can’t make any sound. Most sound cards or chipsets are discussed on the Net somewhere under Linux.

You probably don’t have any additional CDs, so just reboot. On the way, if you kept your Windows system and installed CentOS beside it, you’ll get a list indicating you can select Windows or CentOS. Unless there is a compelling reason, make sure it’s on CentOS, then hit ENTER. After that, you’ll eventually end up at the login screen. What happens next will be our next episode. Feel free to login and look things over. Find the icon for the web browser; surf the Net a little. Welcome to Linux.

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Linux Migration for the Home PC User, Part 2

You can view Part 1 here.

For most people, “easy” in computers means “familiar.” When I tell them and show them Linux is different — unfamiliar — that’s usually the end of the discussion. If the price of change is too high, this is not for you. If the price of learning something new is just another of the costs of having a computer in your home, you’ll accept the relatively small price you pay up front for something which gets a lot easier later. If you are still trying to find the “ANY” key, Linux is not for you, especially CentOS. If you have the time and inclination to learn enough to get by, you have come to the right place. The primary advantage of using CentOS in particular, among other types and brand of Linux, is you install it once, and it tends to work exceedingly well until the hardware breaks, as “stability and security” are the primary selling points.

Getting Started

0. Mental migration: It’s an old computer geek joke to start a numbered list with zero, but it serves to symbolize the different mindset required for Linux compared to Windows. The first thing you need to reconcile yourself with is the trade-offs. While it’s possible these days to run a Windows emulator under Linux, and keep your old Windows favorites, it requires a bit of extra horsepower, and can be quite tricky. In the long run, it’s best to change your expectations. For the average home user, there’s a Linux tool which does just about everything you’ve done in Windows. Sometimes it’s not as neatly integrated as it seems to be on Windows, but that’s because Windows is pretty much one thing, whereas Linux is all sorts of different things. We will try to explain how to make CentOS offer the cool stuff you take for granted under Windows, but we will also discuss the cool things Linux offers which you may not do, or won’t do quite so easily, under Windows. If you really struggle with the different assumptions, but are determined to see it through, perhaps you might benefit from reading some of The Clueless User’s Guide to Free and Opens Source Software (FOSS).

1. Chasing information: Preparation for this migration requires time and effort, not money. This is do-it-yourself territory, but you’re never alone. Using your favorite search engine (Google, Yahoo, MSN, etc.), use the search terms which characterize your hardware alongside the abbreviation “rhel” — the most common shorthand for Red Hat Enterprise Linux, from which CentOS is derived. In fact, CentOS is essentially Red Hat with different artwork. For example, I typed in “inspiron 4100 rhel” and found some useful information about someone who had installed an earlier version of Red Hat. I ran another search substituting “centos” for “rhel” and got slightly different results, but less usable info, since a lot fewer folks are commenting on CentOS compared to Red Hat. If your machine is built from scratch or highly modified, start by researching the motherboard name and model. Either way, some of what you find will inevitably be highly technical, and will require you read it more than once to follow. I believe it’s worth the persistence.

Be aware of one significant item: When the Linux folks come up with a driver for some piece of computer hardware or peripheral, Linux will always have that driver. Microsoft has to make a profit, and can’t afford to support every piece of old hardware, even if it still works. Most of the time, the company which produced the hardware has to create the Windows drivers, and they tend to drop older products. Some drivers are simply no longer available for companies that folded. There are lots of things you could use with Windows 98 which won’t work at all under XP, and you may know with Vista and Windows 7, drivers are a major problem. For Linux, the vast majority of hardware drivers are written by someone who has to analyze the hardware and make it work, all without any help from the manufacturer. Once they make it work, it will likely always work in Linux. I use some ancient hardware which Linux recognizes instantly, and it works quite well, but for which there are no Windows drivers anywhere, not for any version.

One of the things you really need to read through at last once is an installation guide. You can find the official version online, but it’s overkill for most of us. Much simpler walk-throughs, with graphics, are also available (especially the first three pages). Please note: The instructions are the same for any part of version 5, so “5.1” is the same as “5.3” in terms of what you experience.

2. Getting the software: Assuming you have reason to believe CentOS will run on your hardware, the next step is getting the means to install it. If you have a really good, fast Internet connection, the best bet is to do what’s called a “netinstall” — booting from a minimal CD and installing straight from the package libraries online. This way it will be up to date from the start. Next best is the full installer DVD. If you don’t have a DVD reader on your hardware, you’ll have to settle for the stack of 6 CDs. If you are able to burn your own DVD/CDs, the place to start is here. Choose one of the links to a server offering the ISO images, a big fat file designed to be written as a usable DVD/CD. If you lack experience in that, you can look it up on the Net; there are hundreds of places explaining how to do it. Of course, you can skip the whole thing by paying someone a few bucks for the trouble. They can’t charge you for the software legally, but for the service of creating and shipping you a disk. Again, you’ll find them by searching the Net, probably using terms like “buy centos dvd”.

3. Schedule installation: It’s possible for an experienced installer to have everything completed in one hour, and in two hours have all the various enhancements and modifications we will do later. If you simply have some savvy, the basic installation can be under two hours. The delay is often figuring out what to choose at certain points. By reading through an installation guide first, you can be primed to choose more quickly. The best situation, of course, is having the help of someone who is familiar with Linux. Let them talk you through the installation process and explain the whys and wherefores of various choices, along with initial use of it.

4. Transitional learning curve: If your first experience with a PC was DOS, OS/2 or an early version of Windows, you had to learn a basic set of habits and expectations. Now you learn some more. Literally millions of ordinary folks have already done it. Honestly, the majority of them are not hobby users, but folks like you who are content to know enough to get by. Once CentOS has been installed, and is running, give yourself some time to get used to it. It won’t sing and dance, you may still have to make adjustments (some rather cryptic), but it’s largely a matter of trading one set of conveniences for another. You may well be surprised at just how much overlap there is. The one thing which does not overlap is the virus and spyware stuff. I’m exaggerating only mildly when I say you can forget about that completely, because, not only have I never faced that on Linux, I don’t even know anyone who has. Running CentOS is as close to immunity as you’ll get with so little work.

The last item is reminding you before you start to create two very good passwords. I prefer the method of picking a song (title or line from it) or sentence I’ll always remember. Take the first letter from each word in the line, capitalized as appropriate, along with any punctuation. If you are creative, you can subsitute numbers for letters (1 = i, 4 = t or f, 3 = e, etc.), and so forth. You need 7-9 characters, so sometimes a critical word can be abbreviated. Here’s an example I once used: an old favorite song from the `80s, “God Is in Control” = Giictrl! Notice I took the common abbreviation for the “control” key to make it come up with enough characters, adding an exclamation point. As long as I associate that song with typing my password, I’ll never forget it. Best of all, tests have shown even the smartest computer cracker is unlikely to guess it, nor is cracking software likely to get it. Create two passwords like this, one for “root” and one for a user account.

You are ready to install.

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Linux Migration for the Home PC User, Part 1

Intended audience: (1) Those folks who use PCs, but don’t particularly love them. It’s just a basic convenience, on a par with telephones, washer & dryer, refrigerator, etc. This is easily the majority of Americans who own a PC, and perhaps a big part of the rest of the world. (2) Small business owners who have workstations for pretty much the same reasons — an asset which improves the profit margin, may even be critical to operations, but is not the primary nature of the business.

A major element in understanding these users is realizing, while they aren’t cheapskates, they hope to minimize the investment of time and resources into their PCs. If it consumes too much, it’s more trouble than it’s worth. There are trade offs involved, but the most important thing to understand is the computer is just a tool, not the central function, not even a hobby. This is no place for purists and zealots. Nor will this series be of much use to those who must run specialized applications on those computers. The primary use pattern is common documents, standard communications and research, with a minor concern for mere entertainment.

Why would you consider migrating from Windows to Linux? In my work as a volunteer computer service technician, the one thing which finds traction is the impending death of XP. That Vista is significantly different without necessarily being better, and requires hardware they can’t afford, while their current machine is still in good shape, and perhaps the fear (justified or not) which results from all the sales pitches they can’t avoid designed to prod them into buying the next new security package, are all contributing factors. But they don’t want a new hobby; they just want their computer to work with less hassle.

I tell these people there is no magic pill. Switching is a way of shifting the cost profile, which includes time and money. When you start having more time than money, Linux starts to look a lot better. If you aren’t willing to invest that time up front, you can’t get past the hump of migration. If you can put some effort into it, you can afford to relax a lot more on the other side. Naturally this calls for a Linux which doesn’t require constant attention, and there’s precious few projects which consider this at all important, as noted in the past. There are two paths I recommend to folks considering migration: Ubuntu and CentOS.

Try Ubuntu first. There are multiple versions offered at any one time, but for those seeking stability, look for the “LTS” label. Never allow yourself to be tricked into using the most current just because it’s the latest and greatest. Six months from now you’ll have to update, and it will surely break things. If you don’t consider your computer a hobby, stick with the LTS releases, because they are good for a couple of years. Next, join the Ubuntu forums; it’s the best and cheapest support system you’ll ever find for installation and initial setup. Be prepared to explain every time you aren’t a hobbyist and LTS is essential to your purpose. Don’t be drawn into discussions which revolve around why “you just gotta run the latest”. Those who actually can help you the most will understand.

It’s possible you won’t be happy with Ubuntu. The biggest issue is hardware setup, followed closely by the particular system of The Ubuntu Way of doing things. It’s not for everyone. Also, please note as your LTS version ages, somewhere short of two years from the release date, the volunteer support degrades rapidly. The term “support” is a bit ambiguous here. The company which produces Ubuntu offers support in the sense you can expect them to keep providing updates and fixes for the operating system and some of the packages which run on top of that system. They also sell the other kind of support, where you can contact someone who will help you with specific issues. The forums are a way of avoiding the costs of that second kind of support. But the free forum support is provided mostly by Linux enthusiasts and serious hobby users, and they tend to lose interest when you don’t keep up with them. Otherwise, they are some really nice people, and this is about as good as it gets.

If the problem is your hardware is just not powerful enough to run Ubuntu, but is in pretty good shape still, you will need to accept the necessity of spending a lot more time making this work. You can try Puppy Linux. The folks on the forums are just as nice, just as helpful, but the project is much smaller. Also, it simply won’t work on some older laptops, for example. Still, for older machines, it’s one of the best options.

If your PC is less than six years old, and you are more independent, capable of chasing solutions scattered randomly across the web using search engines, or finding and reading somewhat more technical documentation which comes with the system, then I recommend CentOS. This is a project based on the commercial grade Red Hat Enterprise Linux. You can pay for a Red Hat license and get their business grade support (help), or you can use CentOS for free, and still benefit from their system support (updates and fixes). Know up front, this is a more no-nonsense approach to things, but with that comes stability. You install once, and keep it working just fine for a long time — at least five years.

Let’s be frank here: The folks who offer CentOS aren’t all that helpful if you aren’t running a server. That’s the focus of their work, and most of them simply don’t have the mindset for typical consumer computer habits. You can join the forum, but you may be disappointed. However, the product is versatile enough to be used on a home PC with some modicum of effort. As the information for this tends to be scattered and scant in some areas, the rest of this series will be dedicated to describing how most common home PC users can tame CentOS. Most of this is explained elsewhere, but the writing tends to assume a level of expertise most home users don’t have and don’t want to cultivate. You don’t really need to, at least not right away.

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Pirates Are a Tame Reponse

Let’s imagine I live near a major road. You pass by on the road pretty regularly. From time to time, you stop and relieve yourself on my front porch. You also have a tendency to snatch fruit from my tree, and pull vegetables from my garden. And you aren’t alone. You and a bunch of other folks do the same thing. Do you suppose I might seek a way to express a little hostility at those of you who pass by?

It’s pure propaganda to call the Somali fishermen “pirates”. They may lack imagination, but you’ll notice they are not known for harming anybody, just demanding money. When you consider we’ve participated in dumping toxic waste on their north coast, and supported others overfishing off their south coast, I’m surprised they don’t blow up our vessels.

Nobody has clean hands. Since I live in the US, it’s morally appropriate to focus on the sins of my own government.

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Survivalist Frame of Mind

Recommended reading: The Art of Survival: Essential Skills for the Post-Apocalyptic World. Not the book, but the article linked here, and especially the comments.

The Independent is notably liberal, progressive, socialist, or whatever you call it. You’ll learn a couple of things about the readers. First, they are as bad about stereotyping as anyone else. That’s neither a liberal nor conservative thing, but a human nature thing. Second, while it’s possible onPoint Tactical is hardly suffering from the “rugged individual survivalist” mindset, so typical of many American films, the article fails to provide enough background to tell you either way. I’m not sure the article wasn’t produced simply to mock the whole emergency preparedness concept, except that which your official government advises. The article isn’t anti-government, per se, but certainly assumes it can’t be trusted.

That is as it should be. There is no human government in history (history = on record) which long cared for the governed as real people worthy of consideration. Just the last few days here with the wildfires gutting several housing additions, and observing how the government emergency response acted, shows it’s all about control, not about human needs. This I note with the experienced professional eye of a former law enforcement supervisor. Ignoring, or simply pooh-poohing, the mindset of victims is the trademark of government bureaucrats. If your needs inconvenience them, you are out of luck. This, while better planning and behavior is easily available at no extra cost to the taxpayers. Yes, I’m insisting I could do better, not because I have no idea, but have a very clear idea what’s involved, and have done the grand emergency work several times. Public safety has been so narrowly defined it has no real meaning beyond your immediate survival, if that. Let me be the first to tell you: While you may not be able to bypass government controls, don’t ever make the mistake of thinking those controls are in your best interests.

At the same time, the records of history, both recent and long ago, show genuine TEOTWAWKI events bear little resemblance to most movies, which seem to have shaped the thinking of most Americans, and large amount of the rest of the world. Right here in East Oklahoma County, people were struggling to help each other. Those whose homes survived the fires opened them to those who lost it all. Sure, their kindness could easily be exploited, but I suspect they would rather have that than look in the mirror at someone who told a stranger in apparent need to go away.

Perhaps this is a weakness which encourages predators, but there really aren’t that many predators. People don’t become predatory overnight. There are more of them in urban areas because that’s where their behavior pays off best. Still, the anecdotes are notable as exceptions. While I might warn everyone to expect some selfish and fearful behavior among some of their neighbors, particularly among folks who find urban living comfortable, I also counsel you to be prepared for the pulling together you always see during real disasters. Yes, there were looters in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, but there were far more stories of people treating each other humanely. The only real fools were those who trusted government and went to the shelters. Government officials distinguished themselves by unfailingly making a bad thing worse. Trusting each other on that small scale of neighbors and random encounters worked out far better, always has, and always will.

The best survival strategy is training yourself in emergency civil engineering. Train yourself for work more than for fighting. The lone survivalist won’t get very far, unless he can isolate himself completely. Let them have their isolation as much as possible. The rest of us need each other, and we know it instinctively. Those equipped, mentally and physically, to rebuild will become the real survivors, and leaders, of the day after disaster.

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Update: Multiple SMTP Accounts from the Console

This is a follow up for a previous post.

Before I committed myself to any particular MTA for the job, I continued the search for information. I stumbled across this HOWTO on Alpine Configuration (no longer available) which addressed my needs. It means things have changed a great deal from the old Pine application, more than I had realized. It means Alpine is designed to provide the full range of mail client functions, even if some of them are a little hard to find.

(Update: The HOWTO mentioned above has disappeared from the Net. I can only offer a quick-n-dirty version for those willing to edit their configuration file by hand: go here.)

Those instructions worked for my AT&T account, the biggest boondoggle of them all.

The only kicker was the need for repeatedly typing in the passwords for each account, once each session. I’m not interested in the security issues, since I allow no one to touch this laptop but me. Further, if other email clients can save and obscure passwords, how are they less vulnerable than Alpine? The answer was to recompile the version available for CentOS 5 from RPMForge. So I hunted down a mirror with the SRPM, and changed the SPEC file by adding one line:

--with-passfile=.alpine-passfile

just below the line which starts with ‘%configure \‘. Oh, and the rpmbuild -bb command failed to reveal I needed the tcl-devel package, and threw out an error because it couldn’t find tcl.h. Finally, to make sure this rebuilt version installed over the previous one as an upgrade, I changed the build number by making the line ‘Release: 1.rf‘ read ‘Release: 1.2.rf‘.

I ran ‘touch .alpine-passfile‘. Upon installing and running Alpine again, when I selected one of my roles for checking email, upon entering my password, it offered to save it for future use. That’s what I was looking for previously. Taking a quick look, it was indeed a hashed file.

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Grass Fires: Paying Attention?

Today was a perfect day for grass fires in Oklahoma. We’ve had a long run of dry weather, and since this morning we’ve had severe high winds, easily gusting to 60 MPH. Just one minor spark and it’s all over the place. Indeed, just a short distance from my home is a fairly large one. The trailer park management has advised people to consider evacuating, but that’s for the panicky folks who always do that. Those of us with some experience working these things aren’t concerned just yet. The wind direction isn’t bringing it here; we are at greater risk from a new one starting upwind of us. The basic rule is: If you smell smoke, move out.

We have metaphorical grass fires across the US today. Our federal government is steadily rushing down the path of oppression and tyranny. In every direction, the changes aim to increase the discretion of bureaucrats over your daily life, in ways no one has business poking around to see, much less direct. Worse, our government is pushing hard into the business of folks in other countries, all without the least genuine interest in human need, nor our national interests, either.

I’m not one to panic and run when threats aren’t genuine. However, I’ve long been among those warning this could really get bad. It’s gotten so bad I’m tired of telling, and tired of even reading about it. At this point, if you don’t have a stock of food, some guns and ammo, and some form of silver or barter goods, it’s too late. The fire of tyranny will sweep away your life and you’ll be lucky if you survive as a slave. Naturally that fire will not burn the same in every part of the US, so you should know for yourself what’s in the wind. Do you smell smoke?

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Multiple SMTP Accounts from the Console

Update: I got this working, but I’m leaving the original post. For the solution, go here.

************

Scenario: I really love working from the console. As I continue preparing my Inspiron 4100 for long-term use, I now have CentOS 5.3 installed, and this will not change. Whatever I do with this thing will have to run in the distro. I have the console pretty well setup, but there is one thing I just can’t do easily from there. I can’t operate my various multiple email accounts using a single console mail application.

Don’t suggest IMAP, because I’ve tried it and it won’t work for my purposes. Don’t suggest Mutt, because the configuration is a hobby all by itself, about as user-friendly as a torture chamber. I really prefer Alpine, but that’s simply not going to work at all. I can get mail pulled in easily enough with Fetchmail, but Alpine won’t keep it all separate without a lot of futzing about with creating extra mail folders and lots of extra keystrokes to get there. So while it could be done, it’s a pain.

I did try Cone, because it will pop mail from multiple accounts on differing servers. However, the developers have disdained the notion of allowing matching multiple SMTP servers in the config. When asked, they are dismissive, unable to imagine what use it would be. I suppose what they mean is it should be handled by the MTA.

Fine, I am aware the popular ones can do it, with varying degrees of difficulty in configuration. Sendmail represents the most obscure and difficult to configure. Postfix I’ve used a great deal, but not with multiple relayhosts all needing SSL. I’ve never used Courier, Exim, or any of the others. The trick is, can I convince the various services which employ blocklisting to let me use a mail server from my dynamic IP space?

AT&T is a bear, according to most who managed to get it working. What info I have seems not quite current, so I may be fighting quite awhile on that one. Gmail and GMX, as I understand, will work fine with the likes of Postfix, but my own main account with Universal Networks (Tim Butler) may be about as hard as AT&T. He uses a blocklist, and it has blocked my attempts in the past. I’ve read several HOWTOs and guides, but none exactly fits what I would be doing in this case.

Should I have time to fool with it and find an actual solution, I’ll be posting that here.

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Virtuous Vice

The definition of “human” includes the expectation we all have our vices. What separates some vices from virtue is often little more than context. It’s possible to do any good thing to excess and bring about a harmful effect. Should that thing become an obsession, it fits the definition of a vice.

There was a time I ran as much as 50 miles in a week. For me, it was a vice. Consider the fact I never had much hope of competing in our puny local races, much less on a bigger scale. I’m 5’10” and never during my adult life fell below 177 pounds, and that was only when I was deathly ill. Most of my life I’ve been near or over 200 pounds, even when very trim. At best, I’m like a brick wall with hair and running shoes. I was never built for this, though I did have a modicum of talent. However, I was never the least bit competitive beyond the middle of the pack. It was a selfish obsession by which I sometimes neglected other things far more important, even within the context of my own conscience.

Underlying that obsession was something good, though. It took me a long time and lots of pain to uncover it. First, while training for a marathon, my poor abused knees gave up on me. They began swelling from the years of damage due to Patella-Femoral Syndrome. It was only made worse by my love of hill racing, because hill running is probably the worst thing I could do to my knees. I would struggle up the hills, and sprint madly down them. I trained with ankle weights on long flights of stairs for an hour at a time. When my knees began hurting 24/7, it brought on a very powerful depression.

The reason for the depression was the loss of one major item of internal peace in my world. That I had a couple of other very important things keeping me going was what kept me from suicide. Very few of us are so monolithic we can’t survive pretty severe losses of what matters to us. I had some very active Christian work going on at the same time, plus a couple of major intellectual pursuits. Still, loss of running was a telling blow.

When, after 15 years of healing, God finally gave back the endurance sports (race walking and biking were also in the package), I was very cautious not to overdo it. Along the way, I rediscovered what drove me to obsessive running in the first place. While some refer to that “runner’s high,” that’s not exactly what made it so important to me. It was the chance to engage my body so powerfully, my brain was able to explore spaces otherwise too hard to reach. Call it what you will, but the secret to what makes me want to run is simply the peace and sheer fun. I could easily make it a painful effort, pushing for faster times and all that goes with it. But that’s not fun. There would be some fun in it, but it’s not the same. Recently, when I was finally able to keep moving four miles at a time, I found myself pushing for faster times again. This time I was quicker to realize I wasn’t having fun any more, so I stopped that.

While I do, indeed, train to make my running better and easier, I’m not interested in faster. I suppose it’s possible I’ll someday move to a community where road racing is a major local event, but barring that, organized races are not in my future. I’m not interested in all that. I don’t read racing news, don’t keep track of what the major events are, etc. It’s about keeping the fun quotient highest. So I’ll take every other day to add in some upper body workout with a shorter run, maybe substitute a long fast hike now and then, and very much stay on top of cycling every week. Running will remain the primary exercise event, and all that other stuff is aimed at making my running better. Still, the point of running is the sheer joy of being alive and able to run. Not the competitions, the times, bragging rights or anything else. It’s the thing itself.

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